Saturday, March 29, 2008




I finally broke down and purchased myself an ipod to use at the gym. I've given so many of those fuckers away as gifts, I would have thought Apple would at least thrown me one.

Yeah... but no.

However, they did allow me to select two free plastic pieces of shit cases so that made me happy. Until they admitted that they were running some kind of promotion and everyone got those.

Cheap Bastards.

My ipod that costs half a mortgage came in a little tiny box with little tiny instructions. It didn't really matter how big the instructions were anyway. I couldn't figure the fucker out even if they were written specifically for me.

"Chris, plug that little white thingumabob into the front of the computer with the big sticky saying plug in HERE."

I still would have fucked it up.

In my many years on this earth, I have gotten to know myself a little bit and don't even attempt to try to install, program or even open packages with sharp instruments. I immediately turned the little box over to my son.

"Put music on this".

Three minutes later my entire itunes collection was on it along with a couple of songs he had stolen from somewhere that he thought I would like.

That's my kid.

So now I have this little rectangle thing that I need to figure out how to work. Seeing I received a satellite radio for Christmas that I have yet to learn how to turn on, I thought I might be in trouble.

It was then I was informed by my wonderful son that the headphones that came with the ipod suck duck dick.

That is also my kid.

Don't worry, he says, he'll send me a link of what I need.

Which costs the other half of that mortgage payment.

I decide to stick with the duck dick ones and psyche myself up for a lesson.

"OK, Mom, see this wheel?"

"What wheel?"

"The wheel in the middle of the ipod," he said patiently.

"No."

"No? Right here, this white round thing," he said with a tad less patience.

"That is NOT a wheel, it is a white circle and if you are going to complicate this with all that technology jargon, just stop now," I snapped.

I wonder where I can get a Walkman?






16 comments:

Special K said...

I don't own an Ipod so I can't help you.
I would like to have one but it baffles me at the cost of them and like you said, the pieces are so frickin' cheap ass and you have to spend nearly as much as the frickin Ipod to get decent things that SHOULD of COME with the DAMN thing in the first place at that cost and shit fuck damn motherfucker too LOL
I need some caffeine.

coffeypot said...

I think the kid is fooling you. Having duck dicks in your ears just shows how gullible you are. Try ear plugs that actually have sound coming out and you won’t have this feeling of needing to douche your ears.

Eunice said...

Thank god for a techo-savvy kid. The instructions that come with an ipod couldn't suck more if they tried. I doubt even the smartest man alive could follow them if he tried.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

LOL, LOL...I'm with you...I will stick with the Old Walkman, or The Car Radio or Tape Player....Technology has passed me by, I'm afraid.
In all honesty I don't understand why everyone needs an iPod???
Oh well...I guess my "age" is showing....lol!

razorbeck said...

ipods are just over rated you should have bought a straight mp3 512mb or 1g for 50 to a hundred bucks

no cache and no pretense use windows media player to load it

and use the rest of the mortgage to pay for starbucks mocha frapuchinos, because caffeine and sugar are our friends

or atleast your friends

Christine said...

Yeah...great Razor...I could have been confused cheaper.

Now you tell me.

Burfica said...

That is exactly how I feel with my mp3 player. My husband has to load the music, he has to charge it, he has to even fix the way it sounds with bass and treble and all that. I have no clue I just put on old walkman headphones and hit the play button.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

No, what you need is a Victor Victrola. And stop there.

Jillian said...

Aww, iPods are awesome! They are very user friendly and if you spend a few minutes with one you'll probably know the ins and outs in no time.

Your son is right, those earbuds that come with are awful... bleh. Do yourself a favor get something better. :-D

Christine said...

User Friendly? Who invited Jillian..she is mean and bragging.

razorbeck said...

Nahh Chris i think she is an ipod and earphone salesperson

Just out to drum up a wee bit o business

clew said...

I don't have one either. In fact, I only got my first cell phone a few years ago ... I figure I'm right on track to get an ipod in about 2023?

Thanks for the visits of late, Christine. I'll be back soon!

( ... duck dicks? LOL ... )

Jillian said...

iPod salesperson??? Pfft! Although for all praise I give Apple, they owe me something...

Special K said...

Christine if you don't update soon and I have to come back to this page and see the same words one more time.
I am gonna go buy myself an Ipod. Because apparently, they are so much fun you have no time for anything else.
Hee.

Norman said...

i can't get the duck dick earphones to stay in my ears. so my husband took pity on me and got me something called marshmallow earphones. They work better, but then I can't hear anything going on around me....which is cool when I'm trying to ignore the kids!

Pronto said...

If all else fails,

8-tracks rock !

Am I dating myself????