I think I had a bad day.

I say I think because after three glasses of sparkling wine on top of four percocets, I don't even remember what I did today.

Except whatever it was, it sucked.

Better living through chemistry.

But certainly not better recalling...

Anyway, I can recall enough to share that Ms Stink Ass didn't say a word about the note but I was informed that she was as rancid as usual today.

Happy happy joy joy.

So what I have been doing all week is moving people to different offices in order to accomodate one stinky old lady.  Good thing my education dollar is getting good use.

I am going to pass out now.  I did have a date but I didn't think I am particularly at my best tonight.  You know you're better off at home when you think "if that fucking dipshit texts or calls one more time, I am going to shove the phone up his ass."  Since I like him, I would probably dip it in a little olive oil first.

I am one hell of a nice person.

And go fuck yourself if you don't agree.

I just put this in Ms. Smells Like Ass's inbox.  I think it is pretty direct, don't you?

If you could go back in time...to anytime in your life...and change one thing.  What would it be and why?

I am feeling pensive today so humor me.

Personal  logic is a thought that seems totally indisputably  correct to you but another person may think you are out of your mind for actually considering such a thing.



Such as the fact that when you take a pint of Eddys Max out of the freezer, it should be consumed in its entirety.

Or
Wearing brown shoes with a black belt is an error of epic proportion.

So when I overhead some bat shift crazy soccer mom critiquing her ex husband for pulling the kids out of school three days early to take them to Washington DC for Thanksgiving, I had a sudden urge to shove a drum stick up her tight little ass.
This bitch was HORRIFIED that her precious snot dripping, swine flu carrying, ass crusty twerps would miss drawing a misshapen tree in art class or skip the spelling test that, while witnessing that gene pool, the little dumbass would have failed anyway.
This shrew went on and on to her black root friend in the express lame (with twenty two items mind you) of how Jr's entire future is at stake and he may not be able to get into the McDonalds training program to follow the rest of the clan into the family business.

I just don't get why someone would be so up in arms over a kid missing a few days of school for a memory that will last a lifetime.

Then again, my kids didn't spend four long hard years in the third grade.

Oops

I had one of those cringe moments on Friday night. As I was being taken to dinner at Wolfgang Pucks in Downtown Disney Friday night, we passed the big dome that is where Cirque du Soleil's 'La Nouba' takes place.


I have never had any desire to see that show nor any of the others. Due to the fact that there is often no censure button between brain and mouth, I said so.


Lo and behold, guess what was planned for the remainder of the evening? Yeah...oops. Try back peddling from that faux pax.

Actually the show was pretty good and we ended up inadvertently part of it which was also pretty kewl.

There is a lesson to be learned here but since I haven't learned it in my 40 plus years, it is probably too late.


Since I still owe you kids the story from Friday, I will comply for the few minutes I have before going back to Disney to take the kid and her friend to the art show taking place this weekend.


Friday afternoon, one of my doctors came into my office and shut the door.

Since he is a notorious gossip, I perked up with interest knew it wasn't going to be anything of great importance.

And it wasn't. But boy did it piss me off.

"I just had lunch with one of the anesthesiologists we work with and she informed me that one of our part time employees that also works for them on occasion invited their entire group and support staff to our Christmas party."

Somewhere in the neighborhood of a dozen or so people.

ONCE a year I plan a special event for the staff and their significant others. But good food, good music, and good booze tends to be very expensive.

Now I find this part time 21 year old file clerk has just increased my guest list by 25%.

Not being one to fly off the handle...

Okay, flying off the handle, I sent her a text message through her mother who works for me full time but was out sick Friday.

"Did Cindy invite Jane and her team to our Christmas party by chance?"

Five minutes go by, ten, fifteen and then all hell breaks lose. My phone starts beeping with text messages faster than I can read them.

This was the first one..

Chris, I wasn't aware that I couldn't invite extra people to the party. Since I worked there I thought I could".

Well, dumb ass, let someone else do the thinking. Someone that does it far better than you which includes most of the human race.

Before I had a chance to answer, it was followed by an apology and a request that I don't blame her mother. On and on they went until I read this....

Don't worry, I called Jane and told her I made a mistake and you said they couldn't come."

Do you know what is worse than inviting someone to a party that you aren't hosting?

UNINVITING THEM.

 I just....
I can't....

I don't....

I need to fix this disaster Monday and I am sooo looking forward to it.

I don't know why I am surprised. This crotch dropping comes from the same mother that when she and her husband was invited to the CEO's black tie wedding reception at the priciest hotel in Orlando, responded that EIGHT will be attending.

I don't recall in my job description being informed that I had to teach manners to forty year olds and their kids.

They Did It AGAIN!!

Long and faithful readers may remember my posting an entry around Christmas a couple of years back about tacky people inviting friends and family to our holiday party.  I thought I had clearly explained what you and a guest are cordially invited actually means.

The invitations have yet to go out and I already have an issue.  Sorry but I am to busy shoving the tissue back in my head from my brain exploding so you kids will have to wait for the complete story.

Perhaps I will be calm in a month or two.

This Friday's site is Vintage Ads.  Check it out.

Inside Outside

Why do I have two closets completely packed with clothes and can't find a g-d damn thing to wear tomorrow night?

I thought I would be so smart planning ahead so I won't be rushed after work getting ready for my sushi date.  My bedroom looks like the walk in regurgitated jeans, skirts, blouses and shoes and I still keep flinging things off in exasperation.

It is probably a mood thing.  I have a headache, my daughter is Miss Chatty Cathy tonight and I have yet to clean up the dinner dishes.  It is hard to feel beautiful on the outside when you have ugliness battling to escape on the inside.

Anyone else ever feel this way?

I think my jeans will look much better if I have few beers.  If not, I probably won't give a shit either way.