Friday, March 7, 2008




I remember when I was a girl, my mother would offer to anyone that would ask, and often those that didn't, that she didn't feel a day over 21 and couldn't understand where the time went.

As I glanced at her hair in curlers and her spreading butt in polyester pants, I couldn't imagine how the inside did not match the reflection she must see every morning in her vanity mirror. Just wait, she offered. Just wait.

Alas, as many other things she cursed me with had come to pass, such as my brats torturing me as I tortured her, so did the fact the face looking back at me in the mirror has no resemblance to the face I expect to see.

In my youth, I was one of the lucky ones. I was fortunate enough to be admired by many men and not just the lackeys at construction sites that will hoot and whistle and anything with breasts.

Of course instead of using that admiration to my advantage, I managed to hook up and marry two of the most worthless human beings with dicks that God put on this earth.

Yeah know, why marry a physician or an accountant when I could marry a wanna be rock star with a cute ass?

Needless to say, my mirror has been betraying me more and more as the days pass. It all started with the forehead lines as payback for the years of frying in the sun thinking my face looked so healthy with a tan.

This morning I noticed little lines beginning to appear around my eyes.

Laugh lines they are called.

I don't find them fucking funny at all.

Of course this butt is never going to fit a pair of size 8 Jordache again. And to think, back then I was embarrassed to have to ask a clerk for such a LARGE size knowing she was just snickering behind and about my fat ass.

Fortunately, there are still gentlemen that want to fuck me enough to tell me that there is NO WAY I look a day over 30 and to them, I offer my undying love and a pretty good chance at a blow job.

As for my mirror? I've changed all my bulbs to 20 watts and put them on a dimmer.

Now if I can only figure out a way to get my scale to cooperate.

9 comments:

Special K said...

I am dealing with this lately too. I try the old adage of "my face and body are the road map of my life" but,eh, I just rather have my 18 year old face and body back thank you very much.
Getting older sucks.

coffeypot said...

That reminds me of a “Little House on the Prairie” episode where everyone had moved into a new town and the former general store owners bitch wife was trying to get a job to make end meet. She went to the saloon and the woman told her she couldn’t use her because she looked too old with her crows’ feet around her eyes. She got real huffy and said, “They are not crows’ feet; they are laugh lines.” The bar maid said, “Honey, ain’t nott’en that funny.” But if you need to get your ass into a size 8, I’ll be happy to grab hands full and help pack it in.

Anonymous said...

OH HOW THE TRUTH DOES HURT!!! MY LITTLE NEWPHEW WAS SITTING ON MY LAP ONE DAY AND SAD "GEE AUNTIE YOUR FACE IS GETTING WRINKLY", I SQUEEZED THE LITTLE POOP THAT I DO DEARLY LOVE SO MUCH AND SAID "HONEY THOSE ARE NOT WRINKLES THOSE ARE CHARACTER LINES, AND DON'T YOU EVER FORGET IT" AS I QUICKLY WHISKED HIM TO THE NEXT CHAIR TO RAN TO THE BEDROOM TO CRY A FEW TEARS. WONDERING IF THE IRON WOULD SMOOTH THOSE FREAKIN "CHARACTERR LINES AWAY".LOL

Anonymous said...

OOPS SPELLING NEPHEW...SORRY

Burfica said...

man I started getting the little eye wrinkles at an early age in my 20's. Years of being in the sun riding my horses. Now what I find more disturbing than the sun beam wrinkles at the corners, is the wrinkle kind of baggy feel under my eyes.

And when the fuck do your eye lids do that baggy, wiggly thing?? How did that happen they used to be tight and eye shadow spread right on, now you gotta fight the saggy skin. lol

Oh oh and don't forget the fine lines around the lips, or on the hands. I've always loved my hands now I'm getting wrinkles on them.

Libby said...

oh, shit, you guys! i thought you were all my friends, and here you are, all so helpfully pointing out the shit that i've been successfully (somewhat) ignoring! it's actually easier to ignore when you live alone, and have as few mirrors as possible...of course, then you get the pesky phone call from a guy reminding you of the 25th class reunion this summer..

Caroline said...

Gawd I thought I was depressed this morning, now I'm suicidal.

Babzy said...

Hi Christine. I found you through Burfica. I sure enjoyed this post and the last one about same sex marriage. Didn't go back any further but I will certainly visit again.

I'm probably older than all of you put together. You will all stop worrying about your looks when you start feeling the physical effects of aging. It all sucks but what's the alternative?

Same sex marriage has been legal in Canada for a few years now. Many people were riled up about it but once the law was laid down it's no longer a subject for discussion. It's pretty much a non-issue. We have other things to beef about.

See you again.

razorbeck said...

Chris

I am surprised you can remember that far back lol