Saturday, March 15, 2008

I was invited to a small dinner party a good friend of mine is hosting this evening.

I have a few concerns about the outing.

This is a woman who doesn't own a vacuum and opens her windows wide to move the dust around once a month.

The type of person that if her dishes come out of the dishwasher still crusty, she considers it leftovers.
The friend you insist she bring the bottled soda to pot luck luncheons because you found dog hair and cigarette ashes in the mystery casserole she brought to the previously shindig.

Needless to say, I am not overly excited about my prospects for this evening which I picture concluding with a trip to the ER to have my stomach pumped.

I suggested we all pitch in for Chinese food or Pizza so we could enjoy each other's company and she wasn't stuck in the kitchen cleaning up all evening.


Of course she responded that she had no intention of doing that and dishes can wait until the following day.
Or month in her case.

As if this evenings menu wasn't frightening enough, she is also excited about attempting some new recipe she found for watermelon and cucumber gazpacho .

When I pointed out that watermelon wasn't in season she informed me she will improvise.

I was afraid to ask.

I love this friend to death. The other people on the guest list are outgoing and humorous and I believe the night will be a blast.

Now if I can only figure out how to slip an entire bowl of gazpacho in my hand bag.

No medical treatment required although I did get skived out when I heard a crunch as I stepped on what I am hoping was an old raisin.

She used cantaloupe as a substitute for the watermelon and served it in plastic bowls with plastic spoons.

I was polite and tasted it. So were my fellow house guests. The look on each of our faces cracked up our hostess who had bagged Cesar salad as a back up.

We unanimously agreed to meet at my house next time.

I think we should start a tradition on who can come up with the weirdness meal. I wonder where she got that gazpacho recipe? Maybe they have instructions for making fried frogs legs with peanut butter sauce.


OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

LOL, LOL...Oh dear....This is hilarious and ghastly, all at the same time!
What if you bring your own food, telling her you are on a special diet and it is just easier for you to bring what YOU can eat?? Good idea?

I want to read the next installment of this dinner party---In ALL it's Gory!

cookie monster said...

I may be wrong (shock horror!) but sint gazpacho cold soup?

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I can see that you love her like a brother, or sister, or uncle for that matter.

Karen said...

That is hysterical.

About a year ago I went to a party at a new friend's house and I was utterly disgusted by her home. The smell was horrific.

Good friend - bad housekeeper.

Burfica said...

When know a couple who is like that and we always insist on bringing some food. Then we eat most of ours and move hers around the plate. We are bad taht we whip out bottles of water or soda for ourselves that we brought. We are scared to drink out of her glasses. I've seen her kitchen. hahahahha

Good luck and let us know how the stomach pumping went.

Summer said...

Was it a 911?

The Doggy Did It said...


I say eat before you go, and just try everything, and say you are on a diet. Or your doing a cleanse or something.

Now me, I would just tell the truth. Like, dude this is gross. Oh and your house is a mess. Get a broom bitch.

I am brutal like that though.

Eunice said...

watermelon gazpacho? Yikes.

Tracy said...

Interesting Blog! Thanks for stopping in on mine!

razorbeck said...

For future referance

"My tummy is doing flip flops so I am not eating tonight but I came to enjoy your company"

then eat before or after or before and after lol

Special K said...

Ok this post is useless without pictures.

Update please?
Don't we all have those friends, well probably not. I had inlaws that way, ugh.
I also have a friend that is clean but THINKS she is a chef and all her stuff sucks SO bad.
Worse than that she mails me cookies and such at Xmas. My dog wouldn't even eat them, I know that sounds like a cliche' joke but seriously they were so burned he wouldn't eat them. Who the hell sends burned cookies?
Maybe she doesn't really like me either. Hee!

Aunt Carebear said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Big Dave T said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog.

I have to admit that we clean carefully for dinner guests, but our home otherwise would never pass a white glove test. In fact, I tell my wife that it's terrible when we watch Cops on TV and the homes where they bust those criminals look cleaner than our's.