Friday, March 21, 2008


Meet Sam. Sam is a six pound Brussel Griffon that I adopted as a spare to keep the dog I like company.
Not considering myself an animal lover...well I am not really a lover of anything that isn't fattening or clothing optional afterall............ I was surprised when I grew attached to the little Affenpinscher I bought last year. I think I grew attached to it simply because it grew attached to me and either I got used to him following me around all the time or punted him across the house against the wall.
Lucky for him, I choose the former.
Max was bought to replace a bitch beagle mix that lived up to her name. Fucking thing took a hunk of thigh out of a neighbor as a late night snack.
At that time, we also had a poodle mix, Cassie, that was also a big pain in the ass but because since it was too small to do any real damage to the neighbors, I allowed my kids to keep her.
So two little dogs hanging out together while I worked, having puppy parties and living it up.
No problemo.
Except that technically the poodle was SCMs dog. After his step father died, his mother was lonely and asked if she could take Cassie to live with her.
I didn't give a shit, I never liked that little bitch either.
Apparently, Max the Affen did though and mopped around in loneliness for days and days.
Believe me, the fucking Dog Whisperer was out of the question but even hearts of stone sometimes get a chip in them.
So, in comes Sam.
Sam the spare dog to play with Max the real dog.
Sam is a pretty good sort. Came pretty much house broken, likes to be held and scratched, doesn't eat too much...etc.
So is this a post to introduce the world to my cute little puppy?
Geez, you guys know me better than that by now.
No, this is a post about a little dog that has the WORST gas of any person or beast I have ever encountered in my forty something years.
And I had an Uncle from the old country that could fart the star spangled banner in two keys.
This thing, though,....this thing is a walking fart machine and holy shit does these farts reek!
His old owner was feeding him pretty cheap food so I thought once I got him on some better stuff, his gas should subside a bit.
WRONG.
I now am convinced one of my loving children are feeding the fucking thing broccoli when I am not looking.
My house smells like a porta potty during a heat wave at a country fair.
That serves fried Twinkies.
And Turkey Legs.
The good news is I no longer wonder where little Sammy is. I look for my family members and go to the place in the house that is furthest away geographically.
Max has even taken to avoiding Sam as if saying..."Dude, can't you do something about that? Have some fucking mercy."
So we are renaming him Stinky and have resigned never to take him to the dog park.
We don't want all the other dogs to make fun of him.
That's our job.

17 comments:

cookie monster said...

We used to have an old Yorkie that used to do farts that were like chemical bombs going off. She could clear a room in an instant.

Boo said...

ROFLMAO....poor Sam. He is adorable though.

I'm lucky, Shelby takes her Beano like a good girl.

Babzy said...

Oh. My. God. I'm killing myself laughing. I've never had a farting dog to blame. LOL

Burfica said...

we have had the worst gassed dogs and the fricken cat. The cat will chase himself out of a room with the stench.

but it's obvious something is upsetting his tummy, may have to change food again. Maybe try no beef, that might help

The Doggy Did It said...

OMG....

Dog farts are the worst!!

In my house Sam would be an outside dog.

coffeypot said...

Well I'm glad to see that it wasn't what I thought it was.

Mary said...

Our old dog had that problem. One time after he farted he turned around and looked at his butt like, "excuse me? must you do that?"

Luckily it was a sporadic problem and not something we had to live with daily. lol

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I hate to say this (no I don't), but I am very amused by your discontent. See, the funny thing is, you've got the dog, and I don't.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

LOL, LOL....I'm sorry to laugh, but you write about this in such a humorous way....! Poor Sam....One wonders what is happening to his insides....! But he sure has aq cute face...
Thanks for the visit and the comment, too....!

Celestine said...

funny title to ur site!

Special K said...

Did you name it Verdell? Please tell me you know what movie I am referring too. That was the first place I saw one and OMG I have wanted one ever since.
And wanted to name it Verdell of course..Hee.

Marni said...

OMG that is sooo funny!!! Bless his --- um --- heart.

Christine said...

Yup...same kind of dog from the movie. He REALLY is a sweet dog. Easter I hosted dinner and my SIL just fell in love with him and wanted to take him home...until he let one loose while on her lap...not so much anymore.

TLP said...

LOL! Oh, I've missed coming over here. You are the funniest person alive.

My husband wants to get a dog. I told him to name it TLP 'cause I'll be gone.

Now, see, if I had one dog that pined for a another doggie, I'd find another home for him that had a dog. Then I'd have NO dog, and the first dog would have his friend. No problem. I mean, really, SCM farts were bad enough, no?

WendyC said...

LOL I do boxer rescue and if you think Sam's gas is bad, you should sample noxious boxer gas!!! There ARE some things you can do for that though. Dogs can actually have a GasX, or if you add a spoonful of plain yogurt to their food, that will help :)

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