Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I think I am going to quit my job and become a Walmart Greeter. I think the amusement value would justify the lack of a decent wage and benefits.

On most occasions, I avoid Wally World like the boil on the butt of mankind that it is. However, at 7am when the Princess finally remembers something due today that she was told to bring to school a week ago, choices are limited.

Her class is reading Charlie and The Chocolate Factory and they have an assignment to bring in various types of candy to create some kind of art project. My $10,000 yearly tuition at work. So off we go to slay the retail dragons in search of sugar covered faux oranges that can be used as a mouth or sun or weirdly shaped penis depending on the artist's vision.

I don't know why I continue to be shocked by the Walmart clientele. I know for a fact that normal people DO shop there on occasion but why are they never there when I am there? There is even a website that I have linked previously that has actual photographs of the typical walmart shopper. Yet, who would have thought that every one of them live within a two mile radius of my town?

Today there was actually a woman with a see through dress on line in front of me. Don't get too excited boys, this women was 400 pounds if she was an ounce. Her boobies were halfway down to her crotch and would have been all the way down if not for the mesh "dress" that was keeping them confined. She accessorized her look with black wedges tied around her calfs with white laces with smiley faces, white granny panties and a WWJD plastic bracelet.

You can't make this shit up.

Now several thoughts went through my mind.

1. Why wasn't this person stopped at the door and advised that this isn't a clothing optional establishment?

2. Does she really think she looks hot?

3. How does a lady of the evening make a living in this little podunk town or does she accept chickens and oranges in trade?

4. Where is the bleach aisle so I can buy some to bleach this image out of my head for all eternity?

but most importantly...

5. WHY oh WHY did I leave my camera in the car.

Have a rainbow Tuesday. Dr. Todd and I are doing veggie sushi for dinner whatever the hell that is. Wish me luck.


Vinomom said...

Camera Phone woman! An all too important accessory.

Thank God Walmart is actually out of my way or I'd probably find myself there more often. I'm more of a kmart girl in dire emergencies. Another great alternative? CVS and 7-11 they have tons of candy!

Christine said...

Vinomom..you are right. I DID have my camera phone. One of these days I need to figure out how the hell I take a picture and do something with it other than have it. I have no idea how to get it sent to the computer.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I carry my camera in my purse at all times and I saw 2 classic people of walmart examples yesterday, but I was too nervous to get out my camera. I'm just going to have to brush up on my "pretend to fiddle with my cell while secretly taking a pic" skillz.

Olly said...

I love the People of Walmart site! I thought it was just the stylish from our town that flocked there. I am going to be ready with my cell/camera next time I need filters for the fish tank (the ONLY reason I have for having to go into that store) if I don't decide to flush all the fish first!

The Dish said...

I refuse to go to Walmart! I despise that place with the fire of a thousand suns. And since I discovered that website I will never have to go there again for the entertainment!

The Husband and I were surfing around there last night. All I can say is WTF!

Libby said...

at least i get DRESSED (sweatshirt & jeans!) b4 i go to wallyworld!!

The Girl said...

Shit Christine, that would have been a great picture !!! Damn it ! Your too funny - I often avoid as you would call it Wally World at all costs. I always wind up in a fight or a fit of hysterics :)

Coffeypot said...

WalMart is my home away from home. Take the picture and email it to your home computer.

The Traveling Salesman said...

I LOVE those Walmart pictures I see on the internet. Like a family reunion, sort of.

Efen said...

My first thought is ALWAYS "Did you even look in the fuckin mirror?....and IF you did, exactly what impression did you come away with??????"

Sigh....fuckin people...BUT..great for internet fodder ;)