It seems I am a very bad boss to her little 22 year old princess and she is outraged.
It all started rather innocently. My receptionist announced that Mrs. Fuckedupbitch was on line 2.
"Who?" I asked.
"Mrs. Fuckedupbitch", she repeated. "Tiffany's Mother."
Since I had just passed Tiffany in the hallway I was curious what this could be about. So I made a huge mistake. I took the call.
"Hello Mrs Fuckedupbitch. What can I do for you?"
"I WANT TO KNOW WHY YOU ARE MAKING MY DAUGHTER COME INTO WORK WHEN SHE IS SICK." This was yelled so loud I had to literally hold the phone away from my ear.
"Ma'am, I really have no idea what you're talking about. Do you want to speak to your daughter?" I asked, not wanting any part of some crazy dysfunctional family drama.
"I HAVE ALREADY SPOKEN TO MY DAUGHTER. SHE SAID YOU WOULD FIRE HER IF SHE CALLED IN SICK TODAY."
While I didn't say that today, Tiffany has taken far too many days off and I am aware that her direct supervisor has her on probation due to that fact. It is quite possible that she would get fired if she called in but I certainly wasn't sharing that fact with this crazy bitch.
"Listen, your daughter is an adult and I am not discussing her employment status with you or anyone else." I responded.
"WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO, MISSY (yes, she called me Missy) IS MARCH RIGHT UP TO HER AND SEND HER HOME. SHE IS FAR TO SICK TO BE AT WORK."
"Mrs. Fuckedupbitch, I have been more than polite and patient with you. If your daughter is sick, she should be mature enough to make the decision as to whether or not she should be at work."
"So, you wouldn't fire her if she had phoned in?" the shrew replied almost nice.
"I certainly did not say that. What I said was as a grown person out in the working world, your daughter has to set her priorities and determine if there will be consequences to actions either past or present and deal with them."
That was as close as I got to saying what I really wanted to say which was this:
If your dumb ass bitch daughter didn't phone in almost every Friday to go to the mall and spend the paycheck she got on Thursday on ugly belts, tacky hoop earrings and jeans that show off her tramp stamp she wouldn't be in this position.
"FINE!" (I guess the exchange of niceties was over). "TRANSFER ME TO MY DAUGHTER RIGHT NOW. SHE IS QUITING AND NEVER COMING BACK."
I didn't even say goodbye as I transferred the call back to the operator so she could find precious Tiffany.
Five minutes later, Tiffany barged in, without knocking, not the least bit embarrassed but with an attitude of her own.
"I Do NOT appreciate you talking to my mother that way."
Oh God, did I go to sleep and wake up in opposite land?
"Is there something I can do for you Tiffany?" I asked exasperated.
"No, I quit." and with that she flung her parking card at me and stormed out.
Good riddance to you and your crazy ass mother.
Why do I suddenly wish that Tiffany didn't know what I drive?
Comment of the day:
Evil Twins Wife: I never read such a clear-cut case to actually show that assholism does indeed run in families.