Saturday, January 9, 2010

Is it written somewhere that married people actually have to be seen in public together? I could have sworn I read all the fine print in the marriage contract and the prenup and that isn't mentioned anywhere. Nonetheless, I found myself out to dinner with SCM last night. When I offered to buy him dinner for his birthday, I didn't think he would actually expect me to go with him! WTF??!

I think the paying gesture was more than enough. He even could have invited a date, I didn't give a shit.

But alas, I found myself at Outback last night with SCM, the princess and my son..who no longer resides with me but never passes off a steak and a beer if Mom's footing the bill.

Now everything was going smashingly until SCM got sick of the silence and decide to talk. Actually, it was number one son's fault because he told a story about some traffic that kept him from being on time. I then had to listen to 15 minutes about how driving the speed limit is illegal if everyone else is speeding because it messes up traffic flow.


Isn't that sort of like Mother's ..if all your friends jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge....?

My problem is I can't just shut my fucking mouth, nod and smile. No, I need to give him my beloved you're a freakin idiot look and point out the holes in his theory.

When will I ever learn???

If that isn't bad enough, he insists on cracking one liners to the waitress. Unfortunately, SCM isn't funny. As some of you know, he likes to think he is, but....not so much.

I cringe when he gets the inevitable what the fuck are you talking about look and nervous chuckle and wish I could claim he was a homeless man that I picked up in the parking lot and decided to feed out of the goodness of my heart.

My first husband had no sense of humor either but the difference is, he never claimed he did. My son was reminded of that recently when his gift from his Dad was some kind of hand tool. His dad asked if he knew what it was and the kid quipped... "An automatic gerbil retriever?"

His dad didn't get it.

It appears SCM and I are the happiest couple in the world. As long as we don't vacation, travel in a car or go to a public place together.

I need to find a good lawyer to draw up a post nup to add those provisions.

I added a new kewl kid. Doc has some peeps in New York and thinks I am funny. One can't get much cooler than that. Check him out.


The Dish said...

Nothing is worse than someone who thinks they are funny and aren't. I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut either.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Oh uncomfortable. I had to laugh, though, when you said he could have brought a date! LOL.

Karen said...

I can't keep my mouth shut with stuff like that either. Personally I think private relationships are just as good as public ones.

Doc said...

Thank you for the linky add my dear... and yes I love your sene of humor.

Vinomom said...

I hate when someone is trying to be funny but I don't think they're funny and I am so bad at faking it. Instead of putting on an awesome fake laugh I just do the awkward smile thing like The Watiress.