Thursday, January 28, 2010

Breaking The Rules

I really believe that employees do their best work when they are free to be creative and not have supervisors constantly looking over their shoulder. Micro managing be damned. Do your job and I don't care if you surf the Internet and tweet ten times per day. I mean not that I would ever use the office computer for anything besides issues directly concerning the company but my dedication is to the extreme. I do not expect the lay person to emulate moi.

Unfortunately, every few months I have to rein in the folks that begin abusing my "do your job and leave me the hell alone" policy of staff control. I have to post a list of rules. Personally, I think these issues are common sense but I kid you not, each ones of these have been broken in the past six weeks or they wouldn't be on the list.

1. Do not put urine in the break room refrigerator. There are no exceptions to this policy.

2. Do not bring your children to work with you when they are sick and they can't attend school. There isn't enough hand sanitizer in the office to make people feel secure as they watch your 7 years old's snot roll out of her nose and pool on your desk.

3. It is very important that you phone in when you are unable to work. Claiming your co workers saw you sneeze twice yesterday doesn't count as letting us know you are sick.

4. You are responsible for keeping your work place clean. Please do not leave half eaten, opened boxes of donuts under your desk. (And then act horrified when your chair is covered in ants the next morning)

5. Having your friends stop by and hang out in your office for two or three hours isn't permitted. Having them surf a work computer while you shout out the address of your favorite You tube video, also not permitted.

6. You must clock out if you leave the building for lunch. It is highly unlikely when you come back with shopping and fast food bags that you ate at your desk while working as you claim.

7. Personal phone calls are to be kept to a minimum or on your break times. When I am trying to reach your extension for an hour, walk in and you are discussing the tacky shoes Maria wore at the rehearsal dinner, you aren't going to be able to spin that into a work related issue.

8. Keep your cell phone on silent. You may love your ring tone of the Star Wars theme song but when it is combined with your office mate's Ludaris' How Low and Keshas TikTok I tend to get a bit testy.

9. We have a dress code. You have signed off on it. You can even buy the appropriate clothing and have it payroll deducted. Please tell me where you read that pink converse with neon green laces and a white tee shirt that says Did You Eat A Bowl of Stupid for Breakfast are appropriate for a medical facility?

10.If you are scheduled to work at 8 am you should clock in at 8 am. Having your friend clock you in at 7 am so you can get some overtime to pay your past due cell phone bill won't endear you to my heart. As a matter of fact, that one will get you fired.

Thank you for your cooperation in these matters.


The Dish said...

Jeebus. You employ some fucktards, Chris.

GiGi said...

LOL @ #9. I like the saying on the shirt, but damn - wearing it to work? Maybe it should have read '*I* ate a bowl of stupid for breakfast'!

Christine said...

Fucktards would be correct. I really do believe people do their best work when they are permitted to think and be creative with solutions to problems. However, some people always have to ruin it by pushing the boundaries.

Golden To Silver Val said...

Unbelievable! One of ours would have to say, "You cannot take 2 hours for lunch and claim you're combining break times with it; and you cannot change your lunch hour to 3:30 (when you get off work at 4:30) you leave the bldg. every day for the day at 3:30."
People who break the rules you listed and this one I've just typed NEED to be fired.

Doc said...

Oh boy Christine... I bet that I could even work under you. I don't do any of that stuff... Of course i do like to eat at my desk so I can surf the net on the copany computer... but I digress... You will have my resume in your inbox shortly!

Coffeypot said...

Actually I think it would be a hoot to work with you. But I would have to have good eye insurance because of all the eye rolling I would be doing. Funny post!

Christine said...

Val I am curious how that would work. If someone leaves at 3:30 don't they clock out at 3:30? Does someone clock them out or is it the honor system regarding comings and goings. Even I am not THAT trusting.

Christine said...

Doc and CP.. I don't hire people that have any common sense. Sorry.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

That is a massive amount of stupid right there!

Tamara aka Cheapskate Mom said...

Hey there! Nice to meet you :) Any friend of Meeko's is a friend of mine! Great blog you have here, love the cuss-o-meter, lol!

New follower so I can find my way back!

Mama Llama said...

You have GOT to be kidding me! You have to post this?? Hence my fear of the demise of the human race..or the complete validation of the Darwin Awards.

What a fun blog you have! I will be back!

Be well, Christine.

Vinomom said...

Ha. Those are all good ones. My cube buddy's cell phone is so loud and obnoxious AND it makes my computer speakers go nuts.

What about drinking on the job? Is that allowed?

janeywan said...

Love this post. I was an office manager for a large dental practice back in the day.
One of my pet peeves was seeing people lounging around the time clock, waiting for the second they'd get paid for that extra 1/4 of an hour. I'd get so angry my head would nearly spin clear around like in the exocist. If your going to do that do you really need to be so obvious, I would ask? The real odd thing I wasn't paying them with my own money! OMG if I had been!

Christine said...

Well, technically it isn't my money either. However, since I am paid bonuses on profits, I guess it is. I agree that the sheer temerity of it gets me too. Like it is the most natural thing in the world to put your feet up on your desk and polish your toe nails while waiting for the phone to ring. And getting called out about it is totally unreasonable.