"Hi. My name is Pam and I am a big fat ho."
Pam was the self appointed greeter representing the bar I hung out in on New Year's Eve. When you think of a bar full of classy people all dressed up in their glitter and bows to ring in the New Year you do not think of the Parrot Room, Nonetheless, the Parrot Room was where I found myself and where I met Pam and her cast of outrageous characters.
I had friends visiting from New York and right before I was to meet them I had a frantic call freaking out that they brought nothing dressy to wear for a night out. Having been to the Parrot myself a few too many times, I dutifully informed them that shirts were required, shoes were optional and if their jeans have been washed within the last month, they are already attired better than the average patron.
Why, you may ask, was this the place that I choose to bring my treasured guests? Three very important reasons...in no particular order...
The bands are good and happened to be great that night. (My son was featured on guitar)
The drinks are cheap and the bartender pours liberally.
The characters are even more entertaining than the bands.
I started the night by buying a round of Tequila for the group to get the party started. The waitress brought a cup with some lemons in it but no salt. "Oh, the salt shakers are on all the tables" she waved her hand around in no particular direction.
There were none on any tables we could see. Fortunately, my new best friend, Billy made it his mission to find some salt for our shots. He came through like a trooper. I purchased five shots and had only four friends willing to partake so Billy had himself a little treat for his hunting ability. We toasted the New Year, Pam the big fat ho and Billy the salt searcher.
When the band began to play, one couple had made it to drunk enough to dance. (It was early yet.) Now I am not such a great dancer so I seldom critique those with the balls to get up in front of others and make a fool out of themselves. But this guy was too much. His dancing consisted of three moves. My favorite was him being hunched over and dragging his knuckles on the ground like a monkey in time to the beat. We gave him a hoot, holler and round of applause when the song ended and he came to join us. He introduced himself as Roger and his wife Penny.
Another round of Tequila and another toast to Pam the big fat ho, Billy the salt searcher and our new friend Roger the monkey dancer.
The Parrot has a deck outback where the people go to
One guy thought this was hysterical and laughed so hard beer was ejected out of his nose in a sudsy stream. Anyone that gets amused by something so stupid is certainly worth knowing so I made myself known to Tim.
Back inside another round of tequila and a toast to the New Year, Pam the big fat ho, Billy the salt searcher, Roger the monkey dancer and Tim the beer snot man.
The entire night continued in this way and a great time was had by all. I am taking my friends word for this fact since after Tim the beer snot man I forgot my name, where I was and what year we were in the process of celebrating.
Happy New Year to all my kewl kid friends. My sincere wish for love, health and success in the New Year but most importantly, a lot of laughter.