It is time I did a post centered around the main theme of this blog. Talk about tangents, I've covered everything from mammograms to the ole yellow gloved finger up the ass and that was just my last post.
Men. No, REAL men. The kind of man that only seems to exist in my imagination.
Since I threatened to blow SCMs head off and leave the brain and blood splatter as a fond memory on my living room world, it is clear me that the relationship has again taken a wrong turn.
Currently I believe he is taking to the authorities about entering the witness protection program.
Since we've established that a REAL man doesn't watch American Idol, perhaps I need to make myself clear as to what a REAL man does do...
1. A REAL man can fix anything back to full working condition using only the shit that is in his garage.
2. A REAL man drives himself to the hospital when he accidentally sliced a chunk out of his leg with the chain saw he was using to build his woman a nice deck.
3. A REAL man knows that when a woman has her hair up and a pair of ratty sweats on, romance isn't in the cards but asking her to pick the DVD while he makes the popcorn is.
4. A REAL man can make a women feel safe even after taking a wrong turn into the worst part of town with only his presence as a weapon.
5. A REAL man has a hobby that is outdoorsy like golf or fishing or playing touch football with his buddies on the weekend. His hobby definitely doesn't involve titty bars, internet porn or hookers.
6. A REAL man can program a DVD to record, change the ring tones on a phone and can find and empty an temp internet folder.
7. A REAL man changes oil, washes his women's car and vacuums it out just because he loves her. He can also shrug off when she points out the water spots he missed.
8. A REAL man understands that his woman may make more than him and isn't emasculated by it but also doesn't spent his time sitting on his ass plotting how to spend it.
9, A REAL man loves Led Zepplin and The Who and not only doesn't know who Keith Urban is, he doesn't give a shit.
10. A REAL man smells like cut grass and soap and not cigarettes and yesterday's underwear.
11. A REAL man can still make his women feel like the most gorgeous women in the room even after she just tripped on her feet and fell on her ass.
12. A REAL man would never own a cat unless his women insisted and then he must pretend to hate it when others are around.
13. A REAL man understands that in a two person working family when he runs a vacuum or cooks dinner he didn't do anyone a favor.
14. A REAL man always fights for the check but will let you win sometimes.
15. A REAL man can tell a good joke and doesn't screw up the punchline.
16: A REAL man will sit on the floor playing a board game with his kids and lets the work emails and calls wait.
Okay, perhaps I am too picky. Maybe I could compromise if someone only had say ,,,fifteen of those traits.
See, I can be flexible.
So if you know a guy like this. Please send him my way. And if you have a guy like? I don't want to hear about it you lucky little shit.
To my lady readers..what do you want in a REAL man?