Today is Ash Wednesday. For my Jewish readers, that is Yom Kipper light. You do get to eat as long as it isn't charred animal flesh. Well, unless the deceased is post sea dwelling. Then chop off the head, serve it up with white wine sauce and bon appetite.
As tempting as it is, I will not be attending mass and getting dirt smeared on my forehead this year. I refuse to waste the 100 bucks I spend on a facial last weekend to clog my pores with ash and oil. Religion is one thing but a big red zit on the center of one's forehead can be quite traumatic. I think God is with me on this.
When I was a teenager, Ash Wednesday was a time to go hang out with friends for a few hours on a school night getting stoned and shooting the shit. We just had to remember to smear our heads with pot ash before we came home. I think God was with me on that too. I have no doubt after seeing a platypus that the big guy parties.
Today is the beginning of Lent. A time for penitence, prayer and sacrifice (Don't you just love Wikipedia?) I've read some blogs by people that are publicly proclaiming what they plan to give up. I will give up what I have given up for the past 25 years.
Sorry but I simply can't get on board with the thought that God expects me to give up my Starbucks Carmel Frappucino for 40 days. He can't be that cruel.
Many of you know that I send my kids to Catholic school and I force them to participate in the senseless rituals. Does that make me a hypocrite?
Fuck yeah, but if I had to do it, they have to do it. Life is unfair and the sooner they get used to it the sooner they will realize that life sucks and then you die a meaningless death all alone as your soul is snuffed out and everything about you is forgotten forever.
The good news is that 40 days gives me just enough time to shop for a great new pair of shoes for Easter.