Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Ash Wednesday

Today is Ash Wednesday. For my Jewish readers, that is Yom Kipper light. You do get to eat as long as it isn't charred animal flesh. Well, unless the deceased is post sea dwelling. Then chop off the head, serve it up with white wine sauce and bon appetite.


As tempting as it is, I will not be attending mass and getting dirt smeared on my forehead this year. I refuse to waste the 100 bucks I spend on a facial last weekend to clog my pores with ash and oil. Religion is one thing but a big red zit on the center of one's forehead can be quite traumatic. I think God is with me on this.

When I was a teenager, Ash Wednesday was a time to go hang out with friends for a few hours on a school night getting stoned and shooting the shit. We just had to remember to smear our heads with pot ash before we came home. I think God was with me on that too. I have no doubt after seeing a platypus that the big guy parties.

Today is the beginning of Lent. A time for penitence, prayer and sacrifice (Don't you just love Wikipedia?) I've read some blogs by people that are publicly proclaiming what they plan to give up. I will give up what I have given up for the past 25 years.

Lent.

Sorry but I simply can't get on board with the thought that God expects me to give up my Starbucks Carmel Frappucino for 40 days. He can't be that cruel.

Many of you know that I send my kids to Catholic school and I force them to participate in the senseless rituals. Does that make me a hypocrite?

Fuck yeah, but if I had to do it, they have to do it. Life is unfair and the sooner they get used to it the sooner they will realize that life sucks and then you die a meaningless death all alone as your soul is snuffed out and everything about you is forgotten forever.

The good news is that 40 days gives me just enough time to shop for a great new pair of shoes for Easter.

11 comments:

Doc said...

I will be getting the ashes this evening... that is unless my kid throws a fit and we "just can't make it" this year...

Karen said...

I am going to go around lunch time for my ashes. And I already forgot and ate a piece of turkey breast for breakfast. I am heathen. I will meet you in hell.

Four Dinners said...

Could me smoking be part of Ash Wednesday? Lot's in the ashtray...;-)

Olly said...

I'm with Four Dinners. While I don't smoke cigs, I just might partake in a little sacraficial BC Bud later. Ashes, y'know.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I usually attend the morning Mass on Ash Wednesday, but might be at the church this evening anyway, so may as well get my ashes. :-)

Tgoette said...

I'm not a Catholic, but I do like to make fun of their ridiculous rituals and doctrine. No meat? Ha ha! I bet the Pope is secretly munching on a pastrami sandwich as we speak! Long live hypocrisy! Great post!

Anonymous said...

I always have this uncontrollable urge to go up to people with the ashes on their head and rub them off.

The Dish said...

I love this post! I will not be getting ashed, or giving up anything I love for 40 days. Now I think I will go cook myself a big, bloody steak!

Coffeypot said...

But I enjoy looking at your ash! So i'm drunk. (hic)

Christine said...

From reading the comments, it appears I won't be lonely in hell. We can start a kewl kids table down there. :-)

3 Men and a Lady said...

LOL, I send my kid to Catholic school and I'm not even Catholic, so how's that? Hee hee... but hubby is and they are both doing the Lent thing. I see it the same way you do, but I support them both in their efforts.

That's so funny about getting high and the pot ashes.