Monday, February 8, 2010

Oh cranky patients, you are the bane of my existence.

There are three types of nasty ass patients that make me want to rip the script for percocet out of their hands and consume the entire bottle myself;


1. The "I am in pain and you all can fuck yourself" patient. This type of asshole is much easier to deal with than type 2 or 3. After all, if a patient has a legitimate medical condition that makes them a bit testy, I've got to at least sympathize.  Even as they are informing me that I am the most inept person on the planet and should be rolled in dog shit and consumed by flies.


2. The "There is nothing physically wrong with me but I will pretend in order to get attention, disability or a big fat lawsuit settlement." Often all three. This is the patient that has quit their job stating a bad injury and gambled their family's financial stability on the outcome of a couple of medical opinions. These contemptible folks think that if they scream really loud and stomp their feet the staff will come up with a disabling diagnoses that will put them on the dole for the rest of their lives. You have to mentally picture a person that thinks they have hit the jackpot by receiving $900 bucks per month for them and a couple of hundred each for their snot nosed brats from social security.

Close your eyes. Got the mental image? Good. Moving on...


3. The "I am a paying customer and I want it done yesterday" patient. These are the people I would gladly throw off the balcony and experience great joy at the resulting splatter. Since they pay their insurance premiums and a copay, they think that everything should stop because they walk in the door. They need a form filled out and are informed that it will take a couple of days to get to? Patient 3 uses their favorite term:

THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE.

Term is also used when they can't get an appointment at 2:30 on a Saturday because they are only available at that time. Or their surgeon of choice was called over to the hospital due to a bad motorcycle accident and would they mind seeing another clinician for their post op check? Or could they get off their cell phone so the nurse can take their vital signs? Unacceptable, Unacceptable, Unacceptable.

Looking forward to a simply wonderful week.

Hope you all have the same.

10 comments:

Karen said...

I have been a number 1. But when you are in PAIN you can't help it!

Doc said...

Do you practice necesary euthenasia at your office on any of these mancontents?

Vinomom said...

Being in any kind of service industry sucks for the most part.

The Dish said...

The "That is Unacceptable" are my personal favorites. It makes me want to ensure that whatever the want takes 10x longer, just to be a bitch!

Efen said...

Oh geez.....while not in the same industry, I have many customers that fall into Category #3...They also say 'unacceptable' when they want a service call and we tell them that they may have to wait 2 hours before we can get a guy there...even if its 2:00 in the fuckin morning!

Golden To Silver Val said...

Jeez, I could never be a nurse...no way. Of course being in public service...we get the "I pay your wages" statement thrown in along with the "Unacceptable". Personally I think they like using that word because with all the syllables they think it makes them sound educated and intimidating.

Four Dinners said...

Ta for the visit babe. I'll be back - which many would say is a worry...;-)

You're a nurse then?

Had a Philipino nurse about three years ago when everyone - including me - thought I was having a heart attack - long story.

I unplugged myself from the monitor and popped down the back stairs for a smoke.

Nurse Rochelle - henceforth called Rocky - actually hit me on the head and re-plugged me in. Great girl. Loved her big time!!!

Laters

4D x

Christine said...

Could you folks all imagine Christine as a nurse? Well, maybe like Four Dinners nurse but dealing compassionately with patients? Naaa.

I much prefer being the person that gets to make the nurses clean up the bodily fluid and human waste. Although we do need a good nurses blog. I wonder if there is one out there in blogsville?

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I can't believe how entitled some people feel. It makes my blood boil and I don't even work around them!

parry hotter said...

nice work my friend