Actually I didn't hang up but in all seriousness, what is there to say after that?
Let me begin by offering this disclaimer: Mom if you ever read this blog, remember I love and honor you so please don't give my share of the will to the neighbor's cat. Thanks.
I have blogged about my mother in the past and unfortunately, she is no fine wine...she doesn't seem to be improving with age.
I had a happy childhood. Mostly due to the fact that I was too young to know how fucked up it really was. I was unaware that people actually got HUGGED from their parents. That other kids were actually told they were smart and/or pretty and/or talented in some way. As an adult I learned that not every mother chases the kids down with a hairbrush or a wooden spoon when pissed off and belts are actually a tool to hold up ones pants.
Hmmm, who would have thunk it?
But that was then and this is now.
Currently she spends her time trying to see her grandkids while not letting her children know that she really wants to see them. The little dance we play goes like this...
She mentions in a round about way that she is available to watch one of our little monsters. This is followed by an hour or two of begging from us for her to actually see the kids accompanied by a list of conditions and a drop off time with a four minute window. It's her game and in order to remain in her good graces, we all play it. (Did I mention there is a will and her house in a great part of town is fully paid for?)
Ahhh but if this were the only dance...life would be good. But alas, it is one of many. Like the way she spoils her grandkids and then complains about it. Or the fact that she has to micromanage every last detail of every outing. If we by chance come up with a plan that fits her schedule perfectly, she will still throw a few monkey wrenches in to gain back control of a previously settled situation.
My sister's story however, was a little loopy even for her.
Sis wanted to go shopping at the mall to pick up a few things for the house. Since she would have the baby with her, she invited my mom to come and help. After doing the time and place dance, all seemed to be settled. Until my sister asked Mom to meet her at her house which is on the way to the mall.
Mom: No, I don't want to drive and waste my gas so you need to pick me up.
Sis: Mom, you're ten minutes in the other direction so we are wasting 40 extra minutes when you can just drive to the house and we can leave from here. I'll drive and I'll give you five dollars for gas to get here.
Mom: But I gave your nephew five dollars yesterday for gas for his motorcycle.
Mom: Well, if you give me five dollars, I am still OUT five dollars!
Sis: Never mind, I'll ask Chris.
Of course later that night I had to hear from Mom that Sis dumped her because she would rather go to the mall with me and she is very insulted.
I don't know, I don't think the word insane fully does her justice.