Tuesday, May 26, 2009

This morning I got severely behind schedule by hanging over the ole porcelain pony for 15 minutes as my body rejected the four sips of coffee I had consumed for breakfast.

This is the fourth time in two weeks I have made the kid late for school as my body betrayed me.

If I was actually having sex, I would think I was knocked up. However, since the last male junk I saw was almost three months ago and my tampax supplies have been depleted since then, I think I can rule that out.

I would like to blame the few pounds I have gained on a bun in the oven but alas, it was more like chocolate cookies in the oven with a big glass of milk.

The inventors of that prepacked cookie dough should be given an award for all the pleasure it has brought into the lives of single women everywhere...but I digress.

So as I start my day with a dull ache in my belly, I half wish I didn't cuss out my last doctor's office staff even though they did have it coming. How inept does a group of people have to be to not lose test results once but twice and then forget that you actually had them done in the first place?

Pretty fucking inept, huh?

After all the trouble, my tests could have at least been abnormal so I could sue their fucking asses but alas, I am fit as a fiddle.

If you don't count that pesky puking upon awakening thing.

Since I am far too ill to consider doing any of this paperwork on my desk, I am off to catch up on your blogs. Have a happy week.


namaste said...

puking in the morning? even without the sex that would scare the shit out of me. i'd be thinking immaculate conception or something evil like that.

i hate disorganized offices. it's ridiculous that they lost your tests.

feel better soon.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Sorry to hear you aren't feeling well and the office lost your tests. I hope you get some answers soon. Do you use milk or cream in your coffee? I found out a few years ago that milk gives me "mystery irritable bowel syndrome" and by mystery, I mean: sometimes I can have it and be fine, other times it sends me speeding to the bathroom, but not for your same problem...TMI. Maybe you're developing a lactose intolerance or perhaps it's the acidity of the coffee on your morning stomach lining? I'd definitely keep asking the doc until you get an answer! Feel better soon!

vinomom said...

That is really strange - I would definitely be running to the doctor. I'd be thinking immaculate conception too! Get that checked out asap!

Christine said...

Actually totally buying ETWs opinion. I really do think it is the coffee tied to the early morning thing. I had no problems when I slept in this past weekend. I think it is the acid on top of the running around getting myself and the kid up and out the door on time that is causing my system to reverse gears.

Bitchy McBitcherson said...

I would be absolutely unable to function if I was unable to drink coffee in the morning. I would definitely be getting that checked out.

And thanks for having my back earlier. I appreciate it. I kind of felt the same way but was unable to say anything. He told me this morning he will leave me before he loses anyone in his family. Sigh.

Thanks again!

Libby said...

...christine--you're my longest-running blog friend, and i love you to death...but, c'mon! immaculate conception? you're the most 'un-holy' person i know (that's a compliment, you know?) lol!
and, maybe you should try my morning 'thing'~! a cold can of Coke! with a couple Excedrins...nothing'll stop you after that!!

GiGi said...

Hope you are feeling better; if not - try more chocolate.

Christine said...

Wait lib..It wasn't "I" who mentioned immaculate conception!

Which btw, doesn't mean getting pregnant without having sex, It referred to Mary who was born without original sin so she couldn't pass it on to the Big JC.

Just thought I throw some useless knowledge to the kewl kids table today.

Libby said...

hey, chris, thanks for the useless knowledge...but...It referred to Mary who was born without original sin i don't think it was mary who was born wirhout original sin, wasn't it JC?? unless i'm WAY stupider than i thought!!?? LOL!!

razorbeck said...

Quit the midnight shots of whiskey!!!! Worked for me lol

Seriously hope you feel better

Christine said...

"Many people mistakenly believe that the immaculate conception refers to the conception of Jesus Christ. Jesus’ conception was most assuredly immaculate…but this concept does not refer to Jesus at all. The immaculate conception is a doctrine of the Romans Catholic Church in regards to Mary, Jesus’ mother. An official statement of the doctrine reads, “…the blessed Virgin Mary to have been, from the first instant of her conception, by a singular grace and privilege of Almighty God, in view of the merits of Christ Jesus the Savior of Mankind, preserved free from all stain of original sin.” Essentially the immaculate conception is the belief that Mary was protected from original sin, that Mary did not have a sin nature, and was, in fact, sinless."

Libby said...

wow, chris, thanks~! i stand corrected! see? all of your Catholic school years DID do some good!!

Christine said...

Yup but can you possibly get knowledge more useless than that? Prob not.

coffeypot said...

And I have always thought that the immaculate conception was when He stuck His Holey Rod in her Holey Hole and shot Salvation all over her Soul. And if she had swallowed, we would all be Jews. That's what I get for drawing and coloring during Sunday School.