Come back with me kids to 1995 and my son's tour de force.
If tour means big fat and de force means fucking nightmare.
The big shit was a little shit of around 8 at the time and I had taken him to see the film Toy Story the previous weekend.
For those of you that have been living the past 15 years under a rock, it is a computer animated Disney hugfest where everyone ends up living happily ever after.
Of course along with the release of the film came the merchandising whores who had the shelves lined with dolls, accessories and whatever else they could think of to screw yet another parent out of their hard earned bucks to shUT ThE litTLE BRAT UP SO I CAN PICK UP LIGHTBULBS GOD DAMN IT!
Sorry...
So home we return with the entire cast of Toy Story with cotton blown up their asses. He didn't miss a one, we had Buzz,Woody, Rex, Mr Potato Head and all the other characters that I have managed to block out of my mind..
It just so happened that we were having company that night and my darling sweet 8 year old son wanted to make up a play and be the evening's entertainment. I was so thrilled. Mostly because his practicing and creating "sets" would allow me an hour or so peace to throw chips in a bowl and pour the boxed wine into the expensive wine bottles I keep cleaned under the sink to reuse for such an occasion.
Guests arrived. Comments on the wonderful wine bouquet ensued and it was time for number one son to put on his show.
He called everyone into the den and asked to be introduced.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, For Your Viewing Pleasure, A One Boy Play Written and Directed By Kiddo!"
Obligatory clapping.
Kid began his performance by running into the room with one of his new doll in hand...
"Look everyone, I got a Woody!!!"
I am sure you've heard the old saying....the show must go on....but after the initial look of horror followed by myself and my mature guests rolling on the floor and pissing themselves with laughter...it wasn't possible.
That one moment is going to end up costing me thousands in therapy costs.
Doesn't matter...it was worth it.
12 comments:
lmao...Great story. I can just picture what my friends would do faced with a similar scenario. It would not be mature.
That is so cute. I am NOT talented AT ALL. Kids are too cute with the stuff that comes out of their mouths. I bet you have a million stories!
One of the fast food places had a promotional thing going on around Toy Story and they had several smaller plastic figures and then a larger, stuffed Woody doll. One day, a co-worker of the Evil Twin mentioned she wanted the "big Woody". You can imagine how much fun the co-workers had with that. LOL.
And the kids say the funniest things !!! Awesome.
LOL!! oh christine, that was classic. toy story was a favorite of ours. i didn't get suckered into buying all those dolls though. ;)
Okay, that was great! Thanks for the laugh!!
With that Woody I bet he was Buzzed about getting Head from Rex.
I reluctantly entered the Disney store with my kids the other day and walked out with Wall-E and Eve dolls. I don't think those could cause as much trouble or embarassment as my son's errant mispronunciations. Today, we were in a very quiet jewelry store, and he said,'Mom - what's a HORNIA?" He meant hernia, but everyone around us started laughing.
OMG! LOVE! LOVE!!!! Don't you wish the stuff they said now was as cute? (sigh)
That is so funny! Natalie is asking me to explain what I am laughing so hard about... no chance of that! lol
Gigi..I just laughed out loud at that one. Kids are just such a joy sometimes. :-)
christine, when tif was about 15 or 16, she worked at a toy store & bought a Jessie costume for Halloween and was on the steps of our house with me when she saw a kid dressed as woody across the street, & yelled "hey! i need a woody!" and then immediately realized what she said...priceless!
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