Monday, March 9, 2009




Do any of you remember personal responsibility? If you answered that it is an outdated concept that was from our parent’s generation, then you will not be able to appreciate this post.

However, if you have found yourself completely appalled over millions of dollars being handed over to fat slobs that blame McDonalds for their arteries exploding from congealed grease or those suing big tobacco for getting them addicted to their product even though every pack has a warning that lighting the suckers will lead to a horrible, painful, gasping for air death, you'll probably be on board with my morning experience.

Sometimes I overhear things when the rest of the world shuts up long enough for me to strain to listen. Eavesdropping on private conversations, although usually boring, sometimes pay off like the asshole conversation I overhead this morning.

Earlier, while in the elevator because I was too fucking lazy to walk the two flights to my second floor office, I was fortunate enough to be sharing the tiny little space with the lingering faint scent of old farts and another human being. Since we got in together, I am pretty sure she wasn't responsible for the tootage.

However, she was responsible for talking really loudly on her cell phone before I had consumed my first cup of coffee which quite frankly, is way beyond fucking inconsiderate bordering on down right obnoxious

But I digress.

I quickly surmised that loud talker was in a conversation with another parent from her child's school.

Apparently, there was an issue of epic proportion at the school both bimbos’children attend. She was so pissed and talked so fast, I was able to get the entire story while riding one floor up.

The disaster was as follows....

The school had changed turkey hot dog day to chicken nugget day.

These bastards on the school board decided that the turkey hot dogs were getting a bit too pricey and opted to select the evil fake chicken parts rolled in crunchy goodness as a replacement. The cell phone bitch was livid about the fat and cholesterol in those evil nuggets and how dare they choose saving money over the health of the CHILDREN????

Are you horrified yet?

As a stepped off the elevator she was still yammering away over the audacity of the system and how they should start some kind of petition.

Perhaps I am way out there and should increase my mood altering medications but I had a grandiose thought that would solve the entire problem.

Sometimes I luck out like that....

Pack your brat's lunch! Guess what…you can put carrot sticks and apple sauce and nice lean turkey breast on wheat bread with the crusts cut off. You can even put some real fruit juice in there instead of the sugar water shot with carbonation that they normally drink.

But let's face it....We all know that isn't going to happen for two reasons…

One..Mom is too fucking lazy to get up 20 minutes earlier to slap some lunch meat on some bread and two, little Billy is going to want those tasty greasy chicken necks and assholes that all the other children are going to be eating. And little Billy can't be left out..oh nooooo. That would injure his self esteem beyond repair.

It was indeed a pleasure sharing this story but I really must go now. I have to find a good lawyer to sue the elevator company for my hefty thighs. Obviously if there were only stairs to climb, I wouldn't have this flab and it should be their job to pay for the liposuction I so desperately need.

17 comments:

coffeypot said...

Fuckers!

Where do I join the crowd?

I know there are a bunch of people with torches and pitchforks and scythes gathering to march on the school board. No! Wait! They won’t walk. That would take energy. They are waiting on the busses to take them.

I bet they are meeting in the McDonalds parking lot. They will be leaving as soon as they all get their Big Macs and fries - and Diet Coke.

Jay said...

Now I want some chicken nuggets for lunch. And, I'm going to sue you if they don't satisfy me. ;-)

Trisha aka Mrs. Wally said...

Great post! I am an expert in this generation's lack of personal responsibility. It is truly a thing of, like, fucking brilliance. Wouldn't you, like, agree?

Burfica said...

I got on my high horse once and signed a pettition at the school. In Arizona you get to choose which school you want your kid to go too. And they tried to force us into a different school, and not give us a choice. Yeah about 100 or more of us parents put a stop to that.

I make my kids lunch, not cuz the other is gross or bad for him, but because they raised the prices to 3 bucks a day. I can't afford that. And we put everything in it but his drink and sandwich the night before. Kid makes his own sandwich the next morning.

I hate people who complain about little shit.

Like the idiots that sued mcdonalds cuz the coffee was hot. Well DUH!!!!

The Girl You Don't Bring Home to Momma said...

She would have worn my coffee simply for talking to loud around me before I got to drink it about stupid shit no one cares about !!!!

Christine said...

Girl..you are a woman after my own heart. I don't think her bullshit would have bothered me half as much if she wasn't going off on a stupid rant when I had yet to have caffeine flowing through my veins.

Libby said...

christine...have you ever talked to that awesome doctor of yours about having a caffeine iv drip inserted in your arm?? that surely would save on the trouble of having to drink it!! (i'm considering it, along with anti-depressants...iv's, of course!)

Karen said...

I preach personal responsibility constantly. But what an you expect in our present environment. Even our government doesn't believe we have to be responsible for our failures.

Alekx said...

Of course Billy is going to want his tasty chicken assholes. If he doesn't get them, develop some sort of addiction, which leads to drugs, burglary and robbery how the fuck am I going to keep a job.

You go Billy boy

Alex said...

Holy crap - I LOVE that cartoon. It is going on all of my course policies from now on. I wish the chools were still allowed to beat personal responsibility into kids. Maybe then they wouldn't be such lazy pieces of crap by the time they got to my class?

I also would have told her where to stick the turkey hotdog.

Olly said...

I LOVE that cartoon. It describes my sister in law perfectly!

namaste said...

this was hilarious! even though your points in this post was spot on, i saw a side issue you raised as even more important. those OBNOXIOUS people who talk loud on their cell phones. i think we should be aloud to shoot them with elephant tranquilizer guns! i HATE those effers!

found you thru The Girl. love your crazy humor!

Efen said...

WOW....I could not have said it any fucking better! That was great!!

Terrific post :)

Jenny Fabulous said...

Suing McDonalds for the shit they serve is like suing a bar for serving drinks and someone becoming an alcoholic. Get a clue people. I agree with you on packing the lunch idea. But, sadly, you're right---- parents are too lazy to do the right thing. It's easier to bitch about it in an elevator while subjecting other people to their flatulence.

Fuckin people.

Lady Bug said...

Love your blog!!!! Efen pointed me in your direction so hope you don't mind me hopping on the followers wagon.

I agree with the personal responsiblity thing 100%!! After watching Supersize Me I could not eat at McDonald's for a month. Now I eat there maybe twice a month.

"Those mommies" drive me crazy too.

vinomom said...

Efen pointed me this way and I'm a new fan! Your blog reminds me I don't write enough Rants.

I don't pack my kid's lunch, but I don't bitch about the crap they serve either. With the price of Lunchables these days, school lunch is a steal.

(just kidding I have no idea how much school lunch is, I'm actually just too lazy to pack one. But at least I admit it.)

Special K said...

I always say people that gripe about the mundane like that must have wonderful wonderful lives and never had anything horrible happen to them to remind them of how stupid it is to waste that kind of energy on something like that.
We all need to piddly bitch but some people just take it to the extreme on EVERYTHING!!!