Do any of you remember personal responsibility? If you answered that it is an outdated concept that was from our parent’s generation, then you will not be able to appreciate this post.
However, if you have found yourself completely appalled over millions of dollars being handed over to fat slobs that blame McDonalds for their arteries exploding from congealed grease or those suing big tobacco for getting them addicted to their product even though every pack has a warning that lighting the suckers will lead to a horrible, painful, gasping for air death, you'll probably be on board with my morning experience.
Sometimes I overhear things when the rest of the world shuts up long enough for me to strain to listen. Eavesdropping on private conversations, although usually boring, sometimes pay off like the asshole conversation I overhead this morning.
Earlier, while in the elevator because I was too fucking lazy to walk the two flights to my second floor office, I was fortunate enough to be sharing the tiny little space with the lingering faint scent of old farts and another human being. Since we got in together, I am pretty sure she wasn't responsible for the tootage.
However, she was responsible for talking really loudly on her cell phone before I had consumed my first cup of coffee which quite frankly, is way beyond fucking inconsiderate bordering on down right obnoxious
But I digress.
I quickly surmised that loud talker was in a conversation with another parent from her child's school.
Apparently, there was an issue of epic proportion at the school both bimbos’children attend. She was so pissed and talked so fast, I was able to get the entire story while riding one floor up.
The disaster was as follows....
The school had changed turkey hot dog day to chicken nugget day.
These bastards on the school board decided that the turkey hot dogs were getting a bit too pricey and opted to select the evil fake chicken parts rolled in crunchy goodness as a replacement. The cell phone bitch was livid about the fat and cholesterol in those evil nuggets and how dare they choose saving money over the health of the CHILDREN????
Are you horrified yet?
As a stepped off the elevator she was still yammering away over the audacity of the system and how they should start some kind of petition.
Perhaps I am way out there and should increase my mood altering medications but I had a grandiose thought that would solve the entire problem.
Sometimes I luck out like that....
Pack your brat's lunch! Guess what…you can put carrot sticks and apple sauce and nice lean turkey breast on wheat bread with the crusts cut off. You can even put some real fruit juice in there instead of the sugar water shot with carbonation that they normally drink.
But let's face it....We all know that isn't going to happen for two reasons…
One..Mom is too fucking lazy to get up 20 minutes earlier to slap some lunch meat on some bread and two, little Billy is going to want those tasty greasy chicken necks and assholes that all the other children are going to be eating. And little Billy can't be left out..oh nooooo. That would injure his self esteem beyond repair.
It was indeed a pleasure sharing this story but I really must go now. I have to find a good lawyer to sue the elevator company for my hefty thighs. Obviously if there were only stairs to climb, I wouldn't have this flab and it should be their job to pay for the liposuction I so desperately need.