Thursday, March 19, 2009





G-d Damn It! The Kewl Kid's Table has been suspended and thrown out of the school cafeteria.

I had a nice list of links to all you people who actually have a sense of humor in a neat, organized list on the right. Somehow, someway it is no longer there.

Personally, I think someone found out about the hazing ritual necessary to join and had to put an end to the fuckery.

Either that or I am a computer moron who shouldn't be permitted to play with anything that plugs into an outlet.

The final night of Baptism class was last night. I think I passed. No one gave me a rolled up diploma and a hand shake but I wasn't thrown out for being a blasphemer either so I think I'm good.

So now the parents need to choose a date. The priest offered a bunch of Sundays that are available and my sister was silly enough to ask our mother's opinion.

"No, Sunday just won't do. I go to mass on SATURDAY so we need to have it done at the service I attend."

My sister responded that, although that would be more convenient (ass kisser) they aren't offered on Saturday.

"I have SEEN children baptised at my mass and I will make some phone calls."

This morning she is working her way up the chain of command to make sure her granddaughter is Baptized at her mass and a Sunday is not acceptable. I expect by now she is waiting for a call back from the Pope.

I really have little doubt she will find out how to get her way with this.

Bless her heart.

So now I need to figure out how to cram 40 people in my house for a party that, if my sis has her way, will be practically a black tie affair.

She emailed me the sample menu which included lobster claws and crab dip and I sent back a new and improved menu that included a four foot bologna and cheese sandwich and the potato salad they sell in the five gallon bucket at Coscos.

"It is the poop and drool factory's christening, not her wedding," I wrote.

"This is her FIRST party and I want it to be nice." She responded.

Okeedookee. Hey the party is at my house so isn't there an unwritten rule that I get to keep all the leftovers? I may only put out half the lobster.

You all have a good...whateverhelldaythisis....and I promise I will get the Kewl Kids Table permitted back in school as soon as possible. I don't anticipate longer than a day or two suspension.


Most of the kids are back at the table. If I missed you or you're a kewl kid that wants to hang out with us...leave a comment or send an email and my multiple personalities and I will take a vote.

21 comments:

Meadowlark said...

There is one thing I learned in the Marine Corps -- if you don't like the answer you get, ask it again another way, or ask another person until you get the answer you need.

I bet she succeeds. I find that I'm rarely stonewalled. Most people don't have the courage to stand up to "yes, I understand, however that's not going to work. This is what we need." :)

(saw you at A Policeman's life)

razorbeck said...

Why do I see a large number of very expensive birthday parties in this kids future?

A balck tie catered party for her first birthday

Maybe the Cardinal down for some punch on her second

Why do people waste money on such things?

All the kid wants is some tit when its hungry and silence when its tired

Good Luck Chris

Boy am I glad my niece and nephew don't have god parents

Bitchy McBitcherson said...

Tell her that if she wants a huge event that she can host it. Well, you are probably nicer than I am. Like the kid is even going to remember anyways, right?

Christine said...

Well, I am not PAYING for it. Only opening up my home to the masses. Doesn't really matter to me if we have chili or filet mignon. Actually no chili, I only have two bathrooms and that could get ugly.

namaste said...

you are a very reasonable and compromising soul. and hey! like you said, at least you get the leftovers. lobster? yum!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

We had both our children baptized on Saturday after the Saturday Mass (I would have felt too uncomfortable standing in front of everyone!) For, my son's we all came back to our house, I ordered a bunch of pizzas and threw out a veggie and cheese platter and started the Merlot flowing.

For our daughter, we took the four of us and the godparents to a really swanky restaurant and that was that! Easy peasy.

PS. Thanks for your thoughtful and kind words to me today. It's definitely given me some things to think about.

razorbeck said...

Psst

Chris if you havent read my blog follow this link you wont be dissapointed

http://sorry-mom.com/

Christine said...

RB: I started checking it out and bookmarked it to read later. I think so far I know all those guys lol

Everyone should check it out. It is submissions about girl's worst dates/boyfriends.

Jenny Fabulous said...

If she wants her kid to have a nice party---let her pay for it. You are offering your house and I think that's plenty. Besides---- you are the one who will probably have to clean it all up!

sweetcopswife said...

love this blog! and im not always quite so happy! ;)

Libby said...

oh lordy, chris! i see where you got your 'headstrong-ness'! i bet you & your mom had some major brawls when you were 13/14! and hurry up with that table...i was never good at the "detention" thing!!

M Chickk said...

Hells yes! It's a law. If the party is at your house, leftovers belong to you no matter who brought them or paid for them.

Why do you think we go to the trouble of having Thanksgiving at our house every year?

vinomom said...

We're not catholic so we didn't do any of that crazy christening, godparent shit, but, people always go apeshit over their first kid's party. I had like fifty people at H's first birthday and that was a nightmare.

Anyways at least she's paying for it. If all you gotta do is let people come to your place and put some nice food out (that they are also paying for) sounds pretty simple to me. I guess you gotta clean though. That sucks.

Olly said...

Ahh...you'll get through it looking like a hero!

Efen said...

Geez....amazing how much $$$ is spent on kids parties these days. Little kids don't care how fancy anything is...they just want to have fun. Some parents on the other hand.....

Christine said...

First of all...this sis, her partner and mom succeeded in their Saturday mission. Kudos to them. Actually that gives SCM all day to clean up anyway. :-)

Efen: The PROBLEM with stupid parents like me is we throw these extreme parties and soon the spawn start to expect it. As a matter of fact..when I mentioned to sis that her party plans were a tad overboard she responded with "this from the person who hires an entire carnival for her kid's birthday every year" Ummm..touche.

Daughter is planning her 10th and has given me her request for a water slide, a snow cone machine and face painting.

Yeah....I take full responsibility for that....

Alex said...

My daughter is having her first communion/confirmation in April, so I know what you mean. The classes... dear Lord (oops..) the freaking preparation. And the dress. And the dinner. Yikes.

Good luck with that.

Karen said...

I am surprised your sister didn't want to rent a hall for the event. Sounds like a fun time. I want to see photos.

Christine said...

hmmm A Hall sounds like a GREAT idea... Anyone want to volunteer to make a long distance call and suggest that? :-)

coffeypot said...

I'm there. Oh My God! I finally made it to the Kewl Kids Table. Coooolllll!

Personally I think baby christening is kind of cruel. I mean, hitting the baby over the head with a Champaign bottle seems a little too much just to give it a name.

GiGi said...

It takes a frickin' act of congress to get my whole family together on the same date. I am all about simplicity for the baptismal celebrations - no invitations are needed. I hate when people do that. Just be at the damn church when I say, and come over for some bad pizza and sodas when it's done!