Sunday, March 15, 2009





I just love my drugs life. It is such a pleasure to sail through days of business down turns, employee conflicts, pissed off customers, teacher and parent issues, an estranged mentally ill husband, a lover who gets literal heart palpitations at the thought of making our relationship permanent and a dog who thinks my briefcase is a fire hydrant.

Thank goodness at the end of the day I get to unwind. Many of you unwind from a hectic day by having dinner with the fam followed by a night of Dancing With The Stars. Since I get home after 8 on most nights, I relax by doing two loads of laundry, checking homework, cleaning up the kitchen from the meal my husband was thoughtful enough to cook for himself and the kid but not quite thoughtful enough to scrape the remnants off the dishes or counters. I then check my organizer to determine if the next day is a suit or khaki day, shower, brush my teeth and stumble into a dreamless sleep.

Sure does sound like I am looking for some pity and sympathy, doesn’t it?

Well, fuck yeah I am. Some admiration, the keys to the city (even a small one will do) and a personal masseuse would be nice.

Except I am really not complaining.

I’ve discovered something. The biggest whiners and complainers that they are lonely, have chronic fatigue syndrome, Fibromyalgia or any other subjective aches and pains, people that are depressed, have feelings of dread all the time or are just plain screwed up in the head are people with two much fucking time on their hands. Since I literally had to program my bowels to release between 5:35am and 5:43am each morning, I certainly have no time to think about being depressed. I tried to schedule it in once but something more important came up.

Please don’t write me about how real your pain in your left metatarsal is even though the x-rays are normal. I DO NOT DOUBT YOUR PAIN OR QUESTION YOUR DISEASE.*** What I am saying is that you have too much fucking time to think about your little piggy hurting; so let it go wee wee wee all the way home and clean out your closet, (And then come over and clean out mine.)

*** I am not going to do an addendum but just wanted to put that in caps so people will understand that I am not doubting that people suffer. What I do think is that in certain illnesses suffering is in direct relation to how active a life style you have. Disagree? Feel free to comment. This is an open forum.

The opinions in this entry are mine and mine alone and if you disagree go pop another prozac and get back in bed.

17 comments:

vinomom said...

I wish I could train my bowels to release at a certain time. They have a mind of their own.

namaste said...

yeah...umm, i'd like some pointers on that bowels training thing.

;)

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I don't know how you work full-time and get all that stuff accomplished every day! You are my new hero. :-)

Christine said...

Did you happen to notice me mentioning mopping floors or cleaning bathrooms? No. I have a cleaning lady for that. I am no hero. I am lucky to be able to pay for help because I have enough to do as it is. The real heros are the single working moms that have to clean their houses top to bottom each and every weekend. How THEY do it is beyond me.

coffeypot said...

They had us training our bowels in boot camp in the Navy. But it only lasted until I graduated. Then I could crap anytime I felt like it.

I tried to comment on your last post but it wouldn't let me. That was one funny post and only those of us who have flown frequently and had to suffer through damaged luggage knows what he was talking about.

Burfica said...

Hell I have enough shit to keep me busy for 5 or 6 more lifetimes. hahahahaha

Which means I'm gonna leave shit for someone else to do someday.

gimme a minute said...

I had to look up 'fibromalagia' to make sure that I fit the entire moany bill.

Yup.

Efen said...

I prefer to define my whining as 'bitching'....much more masculine ;)

The Girl You Don't Bring Home to Momma said...

Yeah, someone else who has trained their bowels !!!!!!

Jenny Fabulous said...

I could not do what you do in a day's time.... I'll need some pointers once the baby comes though!

Libby said...

...chris, the big deal wouldve been if you couldve trained your baby's bowels...woohoo, no more diapers!

razorbeck said...

i trained my bladder instead, my ability to hold in a pee is near legendary, i can literaly need a pee and keep driving for 3 more hours.

I am not a good person to have a contest of wills with

Bitchy McBitcherson said...

You are hilarious and I need a life. And a new job, not literally, yet! Hope life calms down soon. Isn't summer coming soon?

Trisha aka Bitchy McBitcherson

razorbeck said...

Oh Chris the lover in question isn't the same internet dork from a few years ago is it?

coffeypot said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Christine said...

Not necessarily Razor. There is always a man in my life disappointing me in one way or another.

I am so used to it that it would be odd if a good man every came through for me. I wouldn't know what to do about it. LOL

razorbeck said...

Chris

Men suck!!!! Almost makes me wish i was gay so I could take advantage of it!!!! ....... notttttttttttttttttttt