Those of you kids that have hung on for a while, have probably experienced my tale of the ungodly stench that flows into my office from the rest room across the hall. After lunch in this place is like Rotor Rooter retirement party when no one had time to go home and change.
So after much bitching, complaining, note leaving and spraying, I finally got the staff trained to leave the fucking fan on and closed the G-d Damned DOOR!
Of course it still reeks in there but at least I can gingerly open the door holding my breath and ever so careful take a tiny little whiff to check if someone had recently let some kids off at the pool. Thus allowing me to back the hell out and find another rest room to do my business.
I have about an hour trip to get into the office every morning and by the time I get in, my bladder is so full that the only thing on my mind is getting to the potty as soon as possible to eliminate the five cups of coffee I drank before I left for work. Although the Kegels I have to do to keep from peeing myself has made my coochie so tight I could grab hold of some guys schlong like a vacuum cleaner; currently, the tightening is between me and my tampax.
This morning, I rush in as usual, throwing good mornings hither and tither as I make my way to glorious relief. I open the bathroom door, head for the commode and...........
THE FUCKING TOILET SEAT IS UP.
Now, I was under the impression that all men have been trained about this from some female in their lives at one time or another. If mommy didn't do her job, then a girlfriend or wife would make the correction.
I counted to ten, slammed it down and did my business convincing myself that it must have been the cleaning crew who didn't put it back down after scrubbing it out with whatever they scrub it out with. I mean no one that works for me would DARE to do such a thing.
A few hours and a few more pots of coffee had passed when I felt the need to revisit the scene of the crime.
Yup, you guessed it. Some prick had drained his lizard and did it again. There is some MALE that works here that has no fucking manners. Not only that, he left a few little pee dribbles and a pUb just so I could really enjoy touching the seat to put it down. There isn't enough toilet paper in the office to cover the seat to make me feel comfortable about planting my ass anywhere near that so as I balanced and threw up a little in my mouth....I made the decision that someone with a penis is about to have a really fucking miserable day.
Let the investigation begin.........