Thursday, November 5, 2009

One Simply Can't Make This Shit Up.


No sooner do I finally think I've got everyone settled into their new offices without blood shed, I hear a tentative knock on my door.
Before I have time to hide under my desk, one of the secretaries came in and asked to talk.
This particular employee was only affected by the changes in that she was given a new office mate.  Unfortunately, it was Ms. BB of stinky bowel movement fame. Unbeknownst to me, I was informed she also has other hygiene problems. To put it the same way as my visitor...

"She smells like ass."
So now I either need to move this doodie stinkin', ass smelling, dandruff flaking, BO environment polluting old bag somewhere alone or I need to figure out how to tell a woman 35 years my senior, that soap and water are our friends.

Aren't you kids glad you aren't me?

13 comments:

The Dish said...

Wow. Good luck with that one.

Olly said...

Oh, I can't wait to hear how this one plays out! Hahahahaha!!!

Vinomom said...

Oh man I can't wait either! Be sure to give us an update on this one!

Coffeypot said...

Make up a package of soap, deodorant, toilet paper and hand wipes and put them in a box wrapped in plain brown paper and send it to her anonymously with a note that says, “Please start using these because you stink so bad that files do a backpedal to keep from landing on you. Oh, and have a nice day, too. Signed, the whole fucking office.”

Then, when she come to you to complain, the ice has been broken and you can have your heart to heart - with a clothespin on your nose.

razorbeck said...

I have an employee that has been told numerous times, some people just don't understand

Shiny Rod said...

A gift basket from Bed, Bath and Beyond should be enough to drop a subtle hint. Or Coffeypot's suggestion may need to be implemented. We had a guy in the Navy that wouldn't shower. So we gave him a blanket party, tied his butt down to the bed withdental floss and scrubbed him with pinesol and scrub brushes. He never failed to take a shower after that.

Golden To Silver Val said...

I sure don't envy you having to solve this problem. The fact that she's a woman...and an older woman to boot...just makes it harder. I know its the chicken's way out, but if you can find a place for her that's sort of isolated...that would sort of solve it. I'm concerned that perhaps she has some health issues with all this stinking. Bowel movements do have an odor, of course, but it shouldn't be bad enough to peel the paint off the walls for god's sake. Maybe she's having "accidents" in her underclothing. See if you can place her down wind from everyone and hope for the best. If that doesn't work, then you're gonna have to have a talk with her and I sure hope it doesn't come to that cause you just know she's gonna cry. Good Luck!

GiGi said...

That stinks... :)

Christine said...

Golf clap Gigi for making a third pun about this issue. hehehe

Karen said...

I am glad that I don't have that problem.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Gross!

Jamie said...

LOLOL! Good heavens, I've been there.

Never an easy task. You have to write just how it all turns out.

I'm new here, but I'll be back.

:)

Robyn said...

Yes.