Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Dogs Best Friend?

My dog is obsessed with me.
Not being fond of most animals, human beings included, I find this phenomenon very weird.

My little yappy dog, Maxwell, has just turned four and doesn't appear to be outgrowing his attachment. Actually, it appears to be getting worse. I already deal with the fact that he has a breathing attack most days when I get home. His excitement triggers his collapsed trachea abnormality and he will struggle for breath until he calms down.
Or passes out whichever comes first.
He follows me around the house like a..well..puppy dog and must be in the same room I am at all times.  If SCM dares to try to pick him up in my presence, Maxwell will fight and snap until he lets him down to stand guard over me.  He waits outside of the bathroom when I am in there and sleeps on my bed when I am alone and under it when SCM has invited himself for a visit.
In my ignorance, I thought Maxwell, along with the spare dog, just napped and played during the day when I was at the office. I have discovered this is not the case. Evidentially, the dog howls and cries all day long until I get home.


How did I find out he does this? I was left a little neighborgram taped to my door.


Hmmm. Well, we learned two things from this note. One, the dog cries and howls all day. Two, Bill can not spell. Since I can't control the latter, I figure I bet get a handle on the former.
I checked with SCM to find out if he was aware of this. After all, he is often home during the day.
"Sure, he has always done that. The minute you leave until you get home. I throw him out because it drives me crazy."
Good plan. Subject the neighbors to the torture so you don't have to deal with it.

I checked some dog message boards run by obsessive people that refer to their dogs as their "babies" and themselves as "mommy and daddy" and I was advised to get the maladjusted furry thing to a doggy shrink. But BY NO MEANS am I to drug the animal.

This morning I called the vet to make an appointment to get Maxwell on some doggy tranquilizes to chill the fuck out.
What is good for me is certainly good enough for my dog.

12 comments:

Coffeypot said...

You could also have his vocal cords slit. Then all you would hear is a whispered cough instead of a bark. But the best fix is euthanasia. Works every time - 100% effective.

Libby said...

awwwww...christine, are you totally certain it's not SCM doing this while you're gone??
i have a friend whose dog was on prozac for years! for his separation anxiety!

The Dish said...

A lot of dogs suffer from separation anxiety. Prozac will help. Love Bill's note though!

vinomom said...

Poor Maxwell. He can most likely sense your stress level when SCM is around and so feels the need to protect you. Sorry, we ARE those people who call themselves Mommy and Daddy.

You may just want to try an bark collar. It won't stop the crying but it will stop the howling most likely. People say it's mean, but the reality of a bark collar is your dog only gets shocked once. After that he just won't bark anymore when it's on.

Maybe drugs are nicer, I'm not sure. I just hate to take away the personality of a dog. I think it's sweet that he is so attached to you.

Christine said...

I always thought it was sweet too but now that my neighbor hates me, not so sweet anymore.

You are sooo right about SCM. The dog does not like him and it really bothers him. Each and every time he comes in Maxwell barks and growls as if he is a perfect stranger. He does this with outside people too but not my son, daughter or I. Although SCM denies it, I suspect something happened once that made the dog distrust him.

Shiny Rod said...

Get a couple Cesar Milan videos, he shows you how to get the dog through separation anxiety. It is curable and easy to fix. Dogs are pack animals and they will let you know if they don't like or want someone in "their" pack. In that same vein, you have to let the dog know you are the pack leader (Alpha) and who you want them to accept as a pack member. Don't leave this to the dog to decide or you will pay for it in bad dog behaviors (biting, excessive barking or separation anxiety) as you are currently experiencing.

Christine said...

Good point Rod but it is kind of hard to be the alpha dog when I am not home and he doesn't seem to listen to anyone else.

I will try to utube the videos and see if we can shut him the hell up so we don't have to move.

Olly said...

I think this is why I have a cat. No noise, doesn't care if we are home as long as his dish is full and he distrusts everyone equally, lol.

GiGi said...

Is that you that just moved in next door? I feel like 'Bill', with my new neighbors, although I can spell pretty well.... :)

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I love the note. He can really butcher the spelling!

bohica said...

Yeah, it's separation anxiety. First move is to ignore him entirely when you come home. Second move is to start leaving and coming in without making a fuss for a few seconds at a time so he sees you always come back BEFORE he starts fussing. Then if he's quiet he gets a treat. It's not actually EASY to fix, but it can be done, and takes a while. Each time you go out, you make it longer.

As for the biting/snarling at SCM: can you be certain he won't do it to someone else, ie a child? I'd take that seriously and deal with it. You let SCM sit next to you. Dog comes up, you put him off. Dog comes up, you put him down. YOU'RE in charge. The only time he gets ANYTHING is when you give it to him, including love and attention. And do it firmly with a sharp "no!" Again, takes time. Eventually, the confused little fucker will learn.

Golden To Silver Val said...

Maybe if you give your dog an old sweatshirt of yours, he'll happily lay down with it and shut up. I think its sweet that he's so devoted to you but not so good he's disturbing the neighbors. Good Luck!