Tuesday, November 10, 2009




I work in the medical field in a business capacity.  Basically this means I don't have to deal with bat shit crazy patients on a regular basis.

Or any basis if it is a good day.

Occasionally I get called into the trenches to toss someone for being nasty to the staff or call 911 for a junky that thought my office would provide them with their abused prescription drug of choice.

Mostly though I crunch numbers and yell at my staff.

Yesterday was one of those days I wish I had gone to work in a safe boring accountanting firm.

The day started when I walked through a full waiting room having my usual sing songy good mornings greeted with an uncomfortable silence usually reserved for people that have been waiting a while and are losing patience.

Now I know that a medical facility isn't people's favorite place to visit on a Monday morning but the vibe was really off. My bad feeling intensified when I saw a couple of police officers milling around the place talking to the staff.

I grabbed the first employee I passed to inquire what the fuck was going on.

"We had an incident".

Ahhh, an incident. I see.

No I didn't.

"Could you be more specific?"

My office opens at 6:30 each morning to perform procedures. Generally all patients are either in recovery or discharged by the time I get in around 8:30. It was clear due to the twenty five or thirty people in the waiting room that it wasn't working that way today. Apparently a mother of an adult patient wanted to observe her son's procedure. No one noticed her following behind the nurse pushing the wheelchair until she entered the sterile environment with street clothes and sneakers.

(Yes, my staff is super observant.)

Everything could have been quickly rectified if the Mom had followed the nurse out like she was instructed to do.

Nope. Wasn't going to happen. She wasn't going anywhere. She wouldn't allow anyone in or out either.

One of the physician assistants attempted to open the door and was told..

"You aren't going anywhere tubby"

(Yes, I did burst out laughing at this part of the story. Bad Chris.)

So, as I was in Starbucks having a yummy mocha frappuccino, my staff was being held hostage by a crazy person.

One of the techs pulled out his cell phone and dialed 911. Fortunately, before the police could arrive the son talked Mom down and they both ended up leaving the premises. I spent the rest of the morning with the police filling out forms to press charges.

The patient called back later that afternoon to see if he could reschedule. I gladly referred him to the competition.

.

12 comments:

The Dish said...

Geez. Observant is right. Glad you weren't there for that nonsense. Loony bitch. Let the competition deal with her crazy ass.

razorbeck said...

MMMM mocha frapachino*sigh* I remember those! It was mainlining sugar and cafeine directly into your blood stream


Diabetese sucks sometimes

GiGi said...

Glad you referred the nutjob somewhere else....I have my favorite Starbucks drinks more than I should at this time of year ...it's such a nice indulgence! The Peppermint Mocha is my downfall.

vinomom said...

Oh that is too funny. I am sitting here racking my brain trying to figure out what you do. Is it like a Quest Diagnostics? Drawing bloodwork and stuff?

Glad the crazy bitch didn't take anyone out :)

vinomom said...

Oh that is too funny. I am sitting here racking my brain trying to figure out what you do. Is it like a Quest Diagnostics? Drawing bloodwork and stuff?

Glad the crazy bitch didn't take anyone out :)

Coffeypot said...

See? The early bird gets the worm. If you want to have fun and be apart of office hostage taking and potential killings you are going to have to get to work earlier. You missed out on all the fun. You could have laughed at Tubby to his face.

Shiny Rod said...

Karma was with you darlin. If it were me, mom would have been sporting that new Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte scent and a set of law enforcement dating bracelets.

Christine said...

Isn't really a big mystery Vinomom. I babysit annoying employees as they babysit annoying whiney sick people. It's a fairly large place with lots of things going on at once. That is why I hide in my office and blog all day.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Oh my! I'd be hiding in my office all day if I were you, too! LOL.

The Girl said...

What a better place to be than Starbucks. Shit that's nuts-o

Karen said...

Too funny!!

Libby said...

hahahaha...glad you missed the festivities!