Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Summer has officially begun for Florida students. Which means parents have to figure out a way to occupy the little shits so they do not set fire to the cat or try to shove peanut butter sandwiches in the DVD player.

Fortunately for me, my kid is a little joiner who actually likes being social and hanging out with fellow members of the human race. She certainly didn’t get that shit from me.

I signed her up for theater camp. Basically a bunch of wannabe Annies get together in attempt to not trip on their two left feet dancing nor summon all the Florida wildlife while belting out off pitch show tunes.

Whatever they charged, it wasn’t enough. You couldn't get me to do that crap for a week on a secluded island in the south pacific with a sex starved Ed Burns.

And I think he is TRES HOT.

Okay, back from THAT fantasy. Did it suddenly get warm in here?

The problem with Theater Camp is that it does not begin until 9am each day which results in my arriving at work at 9:30. Not the best example for the boss to set. If one was ignorant to what a selfish prick SCM is, they would assume he could peel his stinky ass out of his smoke stenched sheets and drive her. Unfortunately, that would cut into his all night gaming and porn viewing and we couldn't have that.

If he doesn’t either have a controller or his dick in his hand until 4am, followed by much needed rest until noon, he gets a tad cranky. And we simply couldn't have that either.

So I decided I would rush into my office this morning, bring up my computer and furiously type a blog entry so I have that harried boss is busy so leave her alone image.

It ain’t easy at the top.


Boo said...

So that's what my boss was doing this morning when she was typing furiously after arriving a half hour late?? Hmmmmm...wonder what to use for search words to find her blog? hehe

The Dish said...

Just be glad that you don't have to entertain her all summer! Sorry the bastard won't get his ass outta bed, though. But isn't that the good thing about being the boss? You can come in whenever the hell you feel like!

Libby said...

chris, this is hilarious! & you know what? at least his smelly dick is in his hand, and not in you! (and then he makes meatloaf with that hand???)
hey, this isnt the camp that you wrote about a long time ago, is it? cuz i think that was a stay-at camp, not a day camp? whatever happened with that?

Anonymous said...

I remember the away camp post too, where all the moms were horrified at the thought of their precious darlings being away from home. My kids going away for three weeks in July and I can't fucking wait!

God your hubby is an ass. Why the hell doesn't he have a job anyways?

You crack me up.

Anonymous said...

Oooh I think I just noticed I'm on your blogroll! That makes me a Kewl Kid! Sweet.

Christine said...

You kids have great memories! This is day camp through June. July is sleep away and only ONE other parent agreed to let their crotch dropping out of their sight and allow her to go. All others have had lojacks and chastity belts installed.

Jenny Fabulous said...

That is a great idea. My kids are cruising the neghborhood lloking for things to do... houses to T.P and just meaness in general.

Remember this.... R.H.I.P. Someththing I say to my employees daily... Rank Has It's Priviledges!

namaste said...

when my kids were smaller and i lived in ft. lauderdale, i used to moan and groan about how early the school year ended. ugh.

it's good that she's into the theater. what fun!

LOL! at you typing a blog furiously. now i wonder what my boss used to type at so furiously years ago!

The Girl You Don't Bring Home to Momma said...

Good for your little joiner...your description of him is just too freaking funny. And guess what....it ain't easy at the bottom either :)

razorbeck said...

I always prefered Mel Brooks

"it's good to be the King"

Lindi said...

I'm sure your subordinates wouldn't mind in the least if you were late.

Where I work we actually get more done when our supervisor is out as we have 20 less e-mails a day to read.

SCM needs to get his priorities sorted out. If he's there to help with his daughter than he should help or get the heck out of your house

Anonymous said...

Holy shit... your hubby and mine should get together and go bowling!!! lol... same deal... porn viewing and gaming... lol. One more week until his ass is out of there!

Anonymous said...

I was late getting mine registered so I will not revel in the peace and sanity camp would afford. I wonder if it's too late to rent them out for menial labor? Nah. I couldn't do that to someone.