Til Death Do They Part

What could possibly be worse than a rushed wedding at a crappy park on Christmas Eve attended by only family forced to be there and a groom that seemed forced to be there too?

A homeless bum sleeping on a bench in the background of the nuptials.

How perfect.

No one was going to take a picture of this dude until I subtly suggested it to my nephew.

Get your ass over there and snap a picture of that guy!

But I digress.

A week before Christmas, I was asked....forced....to agree to perform a marriage ceremony on a relative by marriage. To give you an idea of my attachment and admiration of these people, my sister and I have nicknamed the bride and her brother Wednesday and Pugsly.

Initially the ceremony was to take place on Christmas Day but they managed to get some kind of deferment of the rules due to a military hardship to get around the waiting period. That fact initially thrilled me as I assumed they would then choose to marry at the courthouse.

Silly me.

Nope, they now had their hearts set on the trailer trash wedding in the small park next to the Knights of Columbus Hall.

The plan was that my family all go together in one car, get this over with and then attend Christmas Eve Mass which was scheduled for 6pm. (This also got us out of having to attend the reception "dinner" at some BBQ place immediately following.) Since the ceremony was planned for 4pm, that should have left plenty of time. None the less, my mother reminded me that the bride's mother arrived an hour and a half after the planned time for her own wedding and mommy dearest refused to miss mass waiting around for this half assed thing to happen.

Mom's got some very interesting priorities, needless to say.

When we arrived, the groom was there with the hood up on his car working on it on the street.

The bride and part of her family arrived soon after.

We got out of the car, happy that this was going to be happening in a timely manner, but we were immediately informed that the bride's father was "lost" and we will need to wait.

Oh joy.

So we waited....and waited....15 minutes, 20.....30.....

Phone calls were made and the bride's father appeared to be searching frantically throughout the town for an opened store to purchase a throw away camera to capture the beauty of the pending event.

In the meantime, bride has remained in her family's SUV with the AC blasting (It was just about 80 degrees that day..probably warmer in the sun).

By this time, bride is pissed but refused to start, not because her father isn't there but because her brother, Pugsly, is with him and she didn't want him to miss this ever so special event.

FINALLY, they pulled up, I got my book out, we gathered under the gazebo making our way around the homeless guy as to not wake him, and the bride exited the SUV parked on the street and walked the long path to the gazebo where her groom awaited. No music, no one walking her down...just 300 feet from street to gazebo in what looked like her old prom dress. She had refused to allow her father to escort her due her annoyance over the camera incident making him tardy.

The ceremony went off without a hitch, they are married legally but more importantly, we weren't late for mass.

And they all lived happily ever after.

BBaaaaHHaaaaHaaaa.