Saturday, July 5, 2008

Why is every neighborhood child under ten in my pool right now?

They all have pools so that isn't it. The kids are always here...playing inside, in the backyard. in the pool or in the oven. (That is just wishful thinking).

Somehow the little shits got together and decided that I am the....Kewl Mom.

FUCK on a biscuit.

All the other parents get to send their kids out for the day to play. Not to be seen or heard from until the street lights come on but not Ms. Chris.

Oh no! I get to watch, feed and clean up after their little monsters every fucking weekend. And when I say every weekend, I mean every weekend.

I was recently informed by one of the snot nosed brats that I rock.

I thought about this for a while. Why do I rock? Why are they here and not down the block? What am I doing wrong?

And the answer came to me.

I don't give a flying fuck what they do here as long as they don't annoy me. The rules consist of no sharp objects, nothing that can cause a flame, don't' drowned the dogs and keep away from my booze. Other than that, it is a free for all.

Every once in a while I will bring out some juice boxes and chips and let them go to town. The dogs manage to clean up what lands on the patio and SCM bitches about old juice boxes in the skimmer but it is well worth it.

As long as they don't bug me.

In essence, I like it because contrary to what you may think..I am kinda attached to my kid and like to know where she is. I am not one to set her loose in the neighborhood looking for danger and destruction.

When she's here and putting dish washing soap in the pool to make bubbles, at least I know she's safe and sound.

Ut oh, it just got quiet, I'd better check for smoke.


Olly said...

Wait until a few years and they start confiding in you with their personal problems. You can be the cool mom with a large (no questions asked) box of condoms in the bathroom!!! hahahahahaha!!!

Jay said...

The people on the other side of my building always send their kids over to my side of the building to play. I know their parents want them over here so they don't have to hear them scream and all that. I want so badly to send them back over to their own side though. LOL ;-)

Burfica said...

Oh man Christine, I don't have a pool, but my house is the same way. I let the kids just play and play and I like keeping an eye on my kid, so I end up with everyone over here.

The Doggy Did It said...

I dunno, I am kinda torn..I think ideally that I would rather have my kid have no friends. But in reality, I want my kid here. We have alot of people on my street that let their 3, 4, and 5 year olds just run free. That shit gets on my nerves.

If we had a pool, we would NEVER get rid of the neighborhood kids either.

Christine said...

That is a huge pet peeve of mine DDI. I don't mean to sound unsympathetic but these are the same folks you see on the news saying they just took their eyes away for a second. I had to chase a 9 year old out of here at 11pm last night. Her grandmother (guardian) never once called or checked since 11am when she first showed up.

Mel Chickk said...

Yeah, being the kewl mom can be a total pain in the ass but you know where your kid is and what she is doing. It's better than her being at someones house who doesn't care if they light fires or play with knives and you KNOW those types are out there!

Slick said...

So uh...if I just show long as I don't bug ya, I can swim all day?

Great, I'm loading up my 4 kids now!!

Christine said...

Sure thing..but can you bring your own towels? I am out.

Libby said...

just think, chris...they're probly all peeing in the pool, after they have their juice boxes!! :-D !

razorbeck said...

By the way the wee lad has excelent taste in beer.

Good scottish beer called tenents

Special K said...

I am too cynical and would think that these types of parents are oftentimes the same ones the scream LAWSUIT if they were injured at your house.
Of course I would have the pool fees, baby sitting fees and juice box fees all ready for them to countersue.

Colin Brooks said...

As long as it stays sane. Like, until they start asking you to adopt them, you'll be fine. Did I just give you a panic attack? If not, try thinking of adopting all those kids... How fun, right?