As I walked through the entrance doors into the social hall of the church, my heart was all a flutter at the anticipation of finally meeting my true love. I wondered what he would look like. Would he be tall and sexy? Short and quirky?
Would he and I see each other across a crowded room and run into each others arm in anticipation of the wonderful lives ahead we would share?
I took a few steps in and scanned the room.
Wait....did I get the days mixed up? Was it geriatric bingo night? Is there another social hall? I backed out and glanced at the sign perched upon a stand.
"Catholic Singles Welcome".
It became clear the only way my prince was going to see me was if he had undergone previous corrective cataract surgery and the only way he was going to run to me was if his walker had wheels instead of green tennis balls.
I took a step backwards planning my escape. As I did, I noticed a group of three women eying me up and down as if assessing the new talent in town.
I shuddered. I am sure any of these grandpas would be a great catch for bachelorette one two or three but dockers with drip marks on the crotch and ears that needed a trim simply was not my idea of a great catch at this point.
"Hi! Welcome. Can I get you some coffee?"
Shit, I had been spotted by an euthusiastic blue haired lady whose lip stick lines did not quite match the shape of her lips.
"Errrr. No thank you. I was looking for my Grandmother," I lied.
"What's her na..............."
I was half way to the car with the faint smell of Old Spice still lingering in my nose before she finished the question.
As I was authorizing random email address to view my blog, it occurred to me that I have no idea who these people are so why am I bothering? I am opening it up and if someone doesn't like what I have so say...stop reading fucktards.
For those who are kind enough to keep linking my bullshit, you kids are awesome.