Thursday, October 15, 2009

Not Growing Old Gracefully.




Okay, who the fuck took my youth when I wasn't looking? There must be someone to whom I can report this offense. And I intend to prosecute to the full extend of the law G-d Damn It!

It isn't that I feel I am looking particularly ragged lately. As a matter of fact, I have a new hair style that I like and I've lost weight thanks to Dr. Todd's dating regime which included rabbit food and intense exercise. (and he wonders why it didn't work out between us. BAHAHA)

It is the NUMBER that freaks me out. I won't write it here but take my word for it, it is well on its way to being an old bag number. It occurs to me that I am at the age my mother was when she became a grandmother. A GRANDMOTHER??? Kill me now. Even though I can not compete with those hot little numbers that hang out at the bars trolling for sugar daddies, I certainly am in no way ready to be any one's Nana. Fuck that.

I was bored recently and checked out my old high school graduating class on face book. I "friended" several to find out how they were doing. Let me tell you folks, these people that have been in my memory up until now as eighteen year old kids, aren't anymore. They look sooo OLD! I mean of course I am saying how MARVELOUS everyone looks but I am lying.

The scary part is they are saying the same thing to me.

Somebody hold me.

12 comments:

The Dish said...

But unlike those hags, I bet you DO look fantastic! Fuck 'em, anyway...

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I know you are completely fabulous, so don't worry about those other "old ladies"! :-D

Shiny Rod said...

Hey, I'm 51 and I still look like I'm 30. Don't ever worry about what someones opinion. If you feel young you are going to be young. I'm hitting the better half of my life...

Coffeypot said...

I would love to hold you.

It is always a hoot to go to my Navy reunions and see all those old men who were 18 to 25 when I served with them. But we don't lie. We say, how'ed you get so ugly and fat? Then we chug a beer, belch and laugh our ass off. Don't sweat it, you are a doll.

Christine said...

Yes well CP, everyone know guys get sexier with age while women just get old and saggy. The gray that looks distinguished on a dude makes us as sexy as someone's great Aunt Milly.

Olly said...

Yeah, my last high school reunion I didn't recognize most people. Who let in all the old people anyway?

Harlem's A Hatin said...

I love this post. I think no matter how old you are, whenever someone from the past sees you they always say you look good and vice versa. The problem is most people have gained 20+ pounds.

http://harlemshaterade.blogspot.com

Coffeypot said...

That's not true, Chris. I see many sex women with gray hair and with a little age. It's more how you carry yourself and you own self immage that is sexy. That and a good bottle of booze.

Libby said...

chris, at my 25th hs reunion, i was one of the few that didnt have grandchildren 5 yrs old that i was raising for my kid!!

GiGi said...

I know, I hate looking at old pictures of myself - they kind of depress me!! I posted that one on my blog, and I was like "whoa" - I looked good 5 years ago. I have not seen myself in too many pictures in the last few years, b/c i am the one who takes them all!!

Vinomom said...

I know I am not even 30 yet but I still feel your pain. How the hell did I get so pudgy? And the drinking and the smoking is really catching up to me! I have no qualms with plastic surgery either - if only I had the money!

Mala said...

Fabulous post! Not only is some bastard chiseling away at my youth, they've left me an extra ass and a couple of chins! Bastard!