I know that this is going to come as a shocker to you kids, but it appears I am a bit on the high strung side.
Additionally, I may even have a tad more stress in my life than is good for me.
But I am getting ahead of myself.
It all started when SCM punched me in the face.
Well, that was the rumor anyway...in reality he did no such thing. It seems when a person walks around with several blood vessels that have burst in said person's eye, people automatically assume domestic violence.
To make matters worse, since this had happened before, I was just steps away from a woman's shelter.
In reality, I had no idea why tiny little capillaries were exploding in my baby blues and since it wasn't painful, I did what I always do when something doesn't need to go on my list of crisis for the day. I ignored it.
I would have continued to ignore it if I hadn't started with a terrible headache that didn't go away for several days. I may have even ignored that if the headache didn't come with bed spins worse than when I was doing jello shots off of that hot male strippers thigh during my bachelorette party in 1985.
I probably would have even ignored that too if someone hadn't finally fessed up about the office suspicion that my eye was caused by an ass kicking.
After convincing people that I really was being truthful and if any beatings were to take place, I certainly wouldn't be on the receiving end, a coworker asked: "Are you sure you don't have high blood pressure?"
Naaa, I thought. Not only am I too young for that shit, there is no such family history of that particular ailment.
We have just about every other malady in our dried up and root rotted family tree but none of that.
Since I needed to stock up on pantyhose and strawberry flavored massage oil anyway, I decided to take advantage of that annoying pressure cuff at the drug store.
After squeezing my arm so fucking tight I thought my skin was going to burst open leaving all my muscles and tendons exposed, two numbers flashed on the screen. I compared the numbers to their little chart for reference.
According to the list, I was on head exploding countdown.
I shook my head thinking that can't be right and checked it again....
To get to the point, I saw a doctor who put me on some medication and told me to chill the fuck out if I don't want that little blood vessels to start bursting in my brain causing me to spend my life eating my meals through a straw and drooling all over myself.
And give up the cigarettes, Hagan Daz and recreational drugs.
OH fuck that....
I am working on figuring out how to eliminate the aggravation in my life.
Basically my new philosophy is that if you are the least bit annoying... fuck off.