Wednesday, October 1, 2008




Well, I did get around blogging last Friday by totally posting a disgusting creepy link about bugs to make you forget that I didn't have a G.D. creative thing to offer you kids.

I have been informed via email that certain people were on to me and I will not be permitted to get away with that shit in the future.

Fuckers.

I am trying to run a company and close out a quarter and I need to pull myself away from my calculator, reading glasses and spread sheets in order to “share”.

Okeedooee. Let’s all gather round, hold hands and sing Kumbaya.

Orrrrrr we could talk about Stinky Cheese Man. That would be much more fun.

Those of you that have hung at the kewl kids table for a while are well aware of SCMs occasional hygiene problem due to what I can only guess is his unmanageable, irrational fear that a scary monster is going to come through the drain and nibble on his exposed private parts.

The irony is that if he stood under that cascade of water more often, I'd be nibbling on his exposed private parts!

Perhaps I am being extreme and unreasonable. I was thinking this could be the case the other day when he growled:

“You are being extreme and unreasonable!!”

He also said something about me being a nag, a shrew and something that I didn’t quite catch that sounded a lot like mucking punt… blah blah. Who listens?

I feel I am perfectly reasonable to expect the people that share my home have the same hang-ups and obsessive tendencies as I do.

For goodness sakes, I bathe my dogs three times a week and keep baby wipes on the counters to wipe their feet after walks and faces after meals.

So why can’t SCM get it through his head that even if he showered that morning…he has been smoking, drinking, farting and sweating for the entire day and I really don’t want that body crawling between my clean, white, crisp, cotton sheets! Especially when I happen to be under them already in my freshly washed jammies and freshly scrubbed body.

The man does manual labor while chain smoking Marlboro Lights down to the filters and he can’t understand why he is a bit on the ripe side by the time he gets home?

Okay, so maybe I am a bit demanding and maybe he is getting sick of having to sleep in his chair in the den because he is too tired after working 12 hours to shower.

(Whiny bitch!)

I just wish the dude would figure out that it is permissible to shower at night even if you won't be getting any poonany.

If not, I'd better put a chiropractor and hooker on speed dial. He is going to be desperately needing both.

15 comments:

fabooboo said...

Wow... I'm at the kewl kids table. -big grin-. I remember when. Why not take him in the shower with you each night?

razorbeck said...

LOL Fabooboo

she said she was willing to sleep with him not that she was gagging for it!!!

Chris

12 hours bah drop in the bucket

Christine said...

Well, if you don't mind Razor, I will go on continue to assume you BATHE after your 12 plus hour days of working around stinky guys and muck and mud.

razorbeck said...

LOl yes I do but since I mostly ride an office chair and am pecularily BO free I am good to go.

Funny thing about me and me daddy we dont ripen up after the first day lol

Cynnie said...

I hate to confess this ..but what the fuck ..
I love the smell of myself all funky ..
Is not bathing still considered depression if you like the stink ?

Slick said...

LOL....damn, sounds like the man has to be sparkling clean before bed.

There are nights when I work 12 hours and just want to crawl into bed too....

Christine said...

Slick..knock yourself out..just make sure you don't crawl into bed with me.

Yuck.

Hey, everyone I have been with knows about this OCD..it isn't like it was sprung on him five years into the marriage.

Ironically SCMs most consistant daily compliment is how nice I always smell. Guess I am not entitled to the same courtesy.

TLP said...

I'm with you on this one Chris. I mean, come on guys!! Why the hell would anyone want to go to bed dirty?

If he thinks he can shower only once a day, then he should shower in the evening instead of in the morning.

The Doggy Did It said...

My husband showers at night before bed, which is fine with me. If he wants to go to hang with his co-workers while all funky from sweating in bed all night long....*wink* better them than me.

I think it might be time for separate beds if he cannot practice proper hygiene before bedtime. Gag.

Burfica said...

My husband has always done very physical jobs. I make him shower at night. I don't make him shower in the morning, cuz he's still unstinkified when he gets up, and he's only going to work with other smelly guys, so when he gets home is fine.

gl with that, I wouldn't stand for it either.

Libby said...

yeah, christine...he wants to be all fresh and clean before he goes to work...WTF???? why do they deserve to have him fresh & clean and un-stinky more than you?? does he like them better? or just respect them more? ask him that.

Olly said...

OMG we live similar lives! My husband has a shower in the morning and then sometimes right after work if his job was gross that day. Sometimes he plays drums for a few hours in the evening - so - yup, a third shower. He doesn't even put up a fight... I do get a dirty look for reminding him to shampoo the beard and mustache to get rid of the cig smell, lol.

captain corky said...

I don't know what it is, but the older I get the more I desperately need to shower by the end of the day. Sometimes I even take one. ;)

OldHorsetailSnake said...

You're pretty tough on the old guy, Chris. (Good for you.)

CrystalChick said...

This post was so funny.

Here, we've got two dogs that sleep in our bed, so I don't know when I'll see clean again.
Hub is usually pretty good with his shower stuff but occasionally he'll come home after a wicked day of construction work and make reference to a guy he knew years ago whose nickname was Porno, don't ask, but he had a terrible BO problem. So whenever hubby says he's 'kickin' like porno', I know I'm turning the hose on him before the end of the night.