Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Me? A Bitch?

I know this is going to shock the hell out of all of you, but I actually have a shrink that I see pretty regularly.

I am sure your delusion of my being the most perfect female on the planet is now shot to shit but you'll just have to get over it.

I will not tell you why I feel the need to piss away 200 bucks an hour but I will tell you that it has nothing to do with hating my mother, being unloved by my father, being bullied in the third grade by Fat Frieda or being diddled by Uncle Sleaze after Thanksgiving dinner.

However, the reason I am mentioning this is that my therapist called me a BITCH last week.

As in.."Wow, you can really be a bitch, can't you?"

HEY! Are these dudes supposed to make judgements like that? Of course I took it as a compliment but still....what if I never aspired to be a bitch. What if I always thought I was a sweet gal with impeccable non bitchy ways and this person that is in charge of my Psyche just insulted me?

At that point in the session, my mind began to wonder about what the fuck he meant by that? So being that we were on my 200 bucks, I asked...

"What the fuck do you mean by that?"

And he chuckled and said time was up.

It occurs to me that the SOB just goaded me into laying down another 200 bucks to find out why he thinks I am a bitch.

Brilliant move dude. I hope you're on commission.


Nilsa S. said...

I think I'd curl up and die if a shrink said that to me. Then again, I guess it's not the message that's important so much as the delivery that is. Clearly he's gotten you thinking. Isn't that what he's supposed to do?

As American as Apple Pie said...

I'm sure it was just a figure of speech. BTW--you're getting hosed on the $200/hr. I only pay half that for my "life coach".

Linked over here from YJKOBT. Great stuff...I'll be back for more.

Efen said...


I happened upon your blog (ok, I don't usually say shit like 'happened upon' or 'blog' but trying to show some class here ;) after reading your comment on J-Fabs page. I paid particular interest to your comment about the usage of the word 'fuck'. I too appreciate it's use as long as its funny (ok, thats bs, it's almost always funny)
Anyway, J-Fab, Laura, and I have same outlook on many things. So, if you have the time:




We love new mea, er...people ;)

razorbeck said...


Send me $100 bucks a month and a phone number and I will call you up once a week at random a time and call you a bitch.

As part of my service I will even pretend to listen to your long winded and abusive rants, atleast for the first minute or the first breath after wich you should feel free to scream at the dial tone, if you scream loud enough no one will know!

Ps. is the shrink because your obvious horrible taste in men ?

Laura said...


Your shrink doesn't, by chance, contract himself out to the state of WV as a court appointed psychiatrist, does he? (or is it "her"? I have a short attention span.) Professional of him/her.

Don't you love people?

(thanks for stopping by and commenting on the Springers, btw :)

Special K said...

Now see Chris I wouldn't of charged a thing for me to tell you that, mostly because that is why I LOVE YOU SO MUCH and, maybe I am a bitch too, just never PAID anyone to tell me before. Gosh.

Efen said...

As a follow up..."F" that shrink. I've had tons of people tell me over the years that I'm a 'prick'. BFD.....did they ever stop to think that just MAYBE you have to be that way to put up with all the bullshit....most of the time THEIR bullshit??? Hell...I'm proud of it, just ask Laura (aka Elle ;)

Anonymous said...

How man I would have fun with this shrink!!! Drive him nuts, go totally off on him by making him explain what he meant by saying "Boy, you can be a Bitch" ...like give him a little attitude!!! and smile inside and just remember that
B -- Babe
I -- in
T -- TOTAl

GREATEST COMPLIMENT FROM ANY ASSHOLE!! At least they can recognize a few things in life

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Well, it's true though, but in an odd way. I mean when you do bitchy, you're funny at it. Keep smiling.

Jay said...

$200/hour .... I know lawyers that don't get that. ;-)

I thought about going to a therapist a couple of times. But, I'm afraid he/she will convince me that everything really is my fault and I prefer not to look at things that way. haha

coffeypot said...

I saw a therapist for a while. After pouring out my sole (I think I did hat my mother and father, though) he said, “Boy, you are one sorry piece of shit, aren’t you.” I said, “Fuck You!” Then paid my co-pay and never went back. I don’t need to pay someone to tell me what I already know. If you are a bitch, be proud that you are and try and be the biggest, baddest bitch on the planet. Just don’t fuck with me because I don’t give a shit.

Libby said...

damn, chris! he IS expensive! my lawyer is only $175 an hour!! for that price, he oughtta be giving you a massage while you spill your guts!!

Christine said...

or a least some oral sex Lib!

Karen said...

In general I think most bitches know that they are bitches.

If you don't know why, they you probably aren't one.

OneHungMan said...

Girl, OneHung will charge you a lot less than that to call you names.

TLP said...

Y'all say BITCH like it was a bad thing!

I'm a bitch. A bitch with a bad attitude. That's my job. I love my work.

Burfica said...

I would walk in next time and say Hello dickhead!!!

I would call him names, it's my money I can call him whatever I want. hahahahaha

Terry said...

Holy mother of christ!!

You seem so normal to be seeing a psychiatrist.

wtf happened??

Never mind Chris, I'm still a fan of your blog.
And they do say there's a very narrow margin between being a genius and a fruit cake.

LOL :)