Vinomom made this comment on my last blog post.

Funny that you describe yourself as overly optimistic. I haven't been reading your blog long but would probably not describe you that way

I started to respond in the comments and thought...well, fuck, this is MY blog so I can bore the entire blogging community with my bullshit.

IRL I am optimistic to the point of getting myself in a lot of shit because of it. I always think good is going to happen and I have to be practically beaten over the head to admit someone I trusted was a bad person or even did a bad thing. I forgive everybody but more, I totally forget. That also gets me in trouble since the past does have a way of coming around again like a circle. I believe that sometimes you need to yell and get stuff out of your system rather than pick at the scab for days, months or years.

I like to think people are inheritently good and try to be kind. I believe happiness and humor are as contagious as the flu and it takes far too much effort to be sad for long.

Maybe much of this isn't reflected in my writing of my blog. Actually, it is more satire than anything else. I use it to laugh at myself and others. It is an outlet for my creativity and allows me to mock the absurdity of the world in general.

To sum it up, I consider myself definitely a glass half full type of person.

Breaking Free of the Past?

I shared this story with a friend very dear to my heart today and I thought I would give you all something to think about too.


I family is moving to a new town because Dad got transferred. They pack their belongings and head out in the car. About five miles outside the new town, they stop for gas. The father asks the attendant how the people are in the new town.

The attendant asks "How were the people in your old town?"

The father replies. "We had the most wonderful neighbors, they were kind, considerate, everyone helped each other out in bad times. We just loved it there."

The attendant says "Well, then you're in luck. You'll find the exact same type of people in our town."

Shortly after another family pulls up. Coincidentally they are also relocating and asked the same question.

The attendant asks "How were the people in your old town?"

The father replies. "Oh, our neighbors were horrible. They were loud, always bothering us for one reason or another. In short we disliked them all."

The attendant says "Well, I am sorry to tell you this, but you'll find the exact same type of people in our town."

How does one overcome the attitudes that hold one back from happiness? Is the past destined to remain a chain that is dragged from situation to situation?

What do you think?

How True.

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you , I’m doing community service this week.’ The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ‘I can not accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

Bourbon and Vicodin

Do you think it was bad that I okayed the Banana kid to go sleep over a friend's instead of hangin' with Stinky Cheese Man for Father's Day?

Yeah...thought so...

Well, I did manage to steal one of those free gifts for him that the office suppliers give me for spending a bigazzlion dollars a year on pencils and post it notes.

Aren't I a helluva gal?

Do you think I have to wrap it? I wonder if I can use one of those Princess Jasmine holders that I filled with useless crap for the Banana's goody bags at this year's birthday gala.

I was even contemplating getting him a card but the "I Hate You But Thanks For the Sperm so I Could Gestate the Most Awesome Kid in the World" cards were all taken. Just my luck.

I did manage to come up with a gift for MY most awesome Dad. I pinned him down and said if he doesn't come up with something he is going to have to have lunch with all three of his kids at the restaurant of his choice.

He handed me an ad from the bass fishing place for a rod hanger the very next day.

Wait... Should I be insulted?

At least it was on sale.

Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody so I think I will make some popcorn (the real stuff, not that microwave fake crap) shove Moonstruck into the DVD player and lament about my many failed relationships.

Either that or take up my friend's vice of Vicodin and Bourbon. Somehow his seems much more fun.

Peace Kids. Catch ya on the flip side.

Father's Day. Bah Humbug

I hate Father's Day! Every year it is the same thing...

What do I get for a man that has everything he wants and will shove whatever brilliant gift I do come up with in a closet until Mother finds an occasion to regift it to someone else.

On occasion that someone has been me!

She's getting old mind you...

Of course I asked the patriarch of our dysfunctional clan and received the standard, thanks but I don't need anything.

I ask my mother and she gives some really good suggestions like socks and underwear.

I love ya Dad, thanks for always being there...have some tighty whiteys.

Nope, not feelin' it.

Of course I look on all those geeky guy websites because like every other man, he does like his toys. However, nothing seems new, interesting or exciting.

I was thinking of getting a satellite radio for his car but that would include a monthly subscription rate on top of the initial purchase of the equipment and quite frankly, I don't like him that much.

So..anyone come up with the greatest idea for the daddy, husband or sperm donor in your life? If so, may I steal it?

Please?

It seems quite clear to me that my Antarctica fantasy is not one shared by all. Where's your adventurous spirit? Where's your quest to explore the untouched? Where's your snow boots and orange parkas???

Since there are cruises that sail from Argentina to Antarctica, I know that I am not the only freak that has it on a "to do" list.

So come on kids....doncha wanna come with?

Why am I over 40 and still getting fucking hormone zits??!! I would think that would be ONE advantage of old age. No more white puss to squeeze out of inflamed pores.

Apparently not.

At least the oily skin problem tends to decrease the aging process so I do have that.

However, it is a bit odd having to dab the Oxy10 on the skin eruption while gingerly placing moisturizer that has the same consistency as Crisco on any area that is prone to wrinkle.

Getting older sucks.

My Things To Do Before I Die list is not getting any shorter so I am thinkin' I had better get busy. Since I made this list when I was a tad younger and had more energy, I will be crossing off the Heliskiing and joining a caravan in the Sahara. What the hell was I thinking!?

The hot air balloon ride and the learning of another language are more my speed these days.

If I wait much longer I'll be left with the desire to be able to wipe my ass without assistance and make it an entire night without peeing the bed.

So, I have decided that I WILL cross something off the list this summer.

Anyone want to join me in Antarctica?