As if I don’t have enough crazy people around me, I have recently become familiar with a family of freakin’ fruit loops. No, familiar doesn’t quite describe the relationship. I have recently been adopted as a BFF by the matriarch of a family that puts the D in Dysfunctional.

How did this happen you may wonder?

Fuck if I know. One minute this person is the mom of one of my daughter’s school friends and the next minute she is calling me and sending face book messages all day long.

Allow me to introduce you to the family I will refer to as the McMurpheys. (Kudos if you get the association with this chosen name).

Mrs McMurphey informed me within ten minutes of making her acquaintance that she suffers from Fibromyalgia. Now I am not going to get into a debate about whether or not this is a real disease. The AMA recognizes it so I will put aside my skepticism for the time being. I am only able to generalize about my first hand experience with Fibro people I know privately as well as professionally. Keep the hate mail to a minimum.

It seems to me that many people that claim to suffer from Fibromyalgia embrace it and share their suffering with anyone that will listen. I am well aware that Fibro has a psychological element but why these people have the need to use a condition to define themselves is beyond me.

“MY fibro this and MY fibro that”

Fortunately for all of us, many do have more free time on their hands and are generally helpful people. BUT they insist on letting everyone around them know how much harder it is for them to participate in bake sale or to organize the end of year teacher gift and how things may not go perfectly because of their debilitating disease that can rear its ugly head at any time.

Mrs McMurphey is the poster child of all the bad things associated with people that claim to have the ailment. She “can’t” work but manages to collect people.

All the better to listen to her tales of woe I would imagine.

Her house is full of clutter, dishes and smells like it needs a good airing out. Apparently she simply doesn’t have the energy to clean at all. I was a little embarrassed when she stepped out of the room one day (or climbed over the shit as the case may be) and her husband looked at me and said “I am sorry my wife is such a fucking slob”.

Not knowing what Emily Post would do in this particular situation I think I mumbled something about it not being that bad or resembling the aftermath of a nuclear bomb or something like that.

However, to each his own is generally my motto. Even if she is going to continue to be intrusive in my life, sooner or later, I’ll just tell her to fuck off and that will be that…

No, that isn’t the problem. The problem is really a serious one.

And I am serious about being serious. Unlike the times I say things are serious but I really have another smart ass thing to say.

I suspect she doesn’t get quite the rush and sympathy she requires from “HER” fibromyalgia and has labeled both of her kids with their own diseases.

Sally McMurphey supposedly has ADHD and Skippy McMurphy supposedly has Aspergers. I am not a doctor and I don’t claim to be one on TV but I have seen children with these two serious diagnoses and these kids are nothing like that. However, I think she said she shoves four or five pills per day into each child so maybe they are just wasted all the time.

At best, they have no discipline and Mrs McMurphy blames their behavioural problems on their illnesses. They are both loud, obnoxious and have no boundaries. One time Sally was playing with the princess and I was getting ready to take them to a movie. The little shit demanded I "hurry up". I calmly explained to her that if she ever spoke to me like that again she will not be invited back. And guess what? It has been yes ma'am and no ma'am ever since. Obviously she CAN control herself if she choses to do so.

The serious problem is I suspect Munchausen by proxy syndrome.

I know that is a serious accusation and I don’t think she is actually making the children sick. I think she is lying about their behavior to specialists in order to get the diagnoses and attention she desires. Also interesting to note is that they recently moved from another state and she often talks about how she is having problems getting her kids the extra attention they need in school because she can’t seem to get the medical or school records from her previous home state.

Of course my imagination is running wild with the thought that they had to move because people were on to them etc. etc.

What would you do with this suspicion if anything?