Thursday, July 30, 2009

You Stink Like Monkey Feet

I have a court date next week and decided that I needed a new spiffy business suit in order to look my very bestest.

No, it isn't the SCM murder trial, that is still yet to come when I finally blow the stinky bastard away. This is a case involving a past employee and it really is rather dull so I won't get into it more than that.

I'd rather write about my shopping experience which was way more annoying.

I usually have good luck at Macy's so I went there after work. I don't shop at night very often and now I know why.

It is when all the weirdos come out.

Macy's closes at 9. I arrived around 8 giving me an hour to try something on, decide I look too fat in it, throw it back on the hanger crooked and try something else on.

Lather...rinse..repeat.

During one of my fitting room visits, I noticed a terrible odor coming from the stall next to mine.

Unmistakeably it was the scent of one of the worst cases of BO I have ever had the misfortune to sniff. Several things disturbed me about this but I think the major one was the woman was trying on clothing. Clothing that she probably won't buy and will be rehung to eventually be tried on by other people.

Gag.

What kind of a person plans to go clothing shopping and doesn't make sure their pits have seen water that week? The person in the fitting room next to mine obviously. Doesn't she smell herself?! I can't imagine anyone could get used to that. At one point, I wished I had been purchasing towels so I could pile them up under the door to keep the fumes out.

I finally couldn't hold my breath any longer so decided on a suit and quickly exited the fitting room area. By this time it was about 8:50 and I proceeded to the register to pay. While standing there a woman dropped an arm full of clothes on the counter and asked the sales lady to watch them while she still shops.

"Would you like to try these on now? nice sales lady asked. "We're closing in a few minutes."

"No, I'll try everything on together when I finish shopping."

"I guess I'm working late," nice sales lady mumbled so only I could hear.

"Don't worry," I offered. "That fitting room smells like a possum rotting in the sun so she won't take very long."

I really hope she didn't.

7 comments:

The Dish said...

That is so disgusting and rude. I hope her va-jay-jay falls off.

GiGi said...

Nasty. I shop early because I HATE crowds....and picking through racks of clothes that are 'picked over' is just annoying as all Hell.

Libby said...

lol! christine, you know how i think...what if it wasnt b.o., but there was a lady in the fitting room next to yours that had died trying on clothes a few days ago, and nobody knew it?

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Gross! But, I'm over here ROFL at The Dish's comment! Come to think of it, it may not have been pit odor, after all. Eeeeewwwww!

razorbeck said...

Its great being a man when it comes to shopping

"tag says it will fit...lets roll"

coffeypot said...

Back in the 60's, when women still wore girdles, I went shopping with my then wife. She chose a girdle box and took it into the dressing room. The box she chose had a dirty, sweat stained (and other stains) girdle in it. Seems a customer wore the new one out of the store and left her used one in it's place. Don't worry...she didn't buy it or try it on. And she wouldn't let me sniff it either.

Lindi said...

yeah...I've had that happen to me too. Someone's deodorant failed last week and was in the stall 3 doors down trying on clothes.
That's why I always have to wash new clothes before I wear them..