Saturday, March 29, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
I am a hypocrite.
My attitude towards the world is live and let live..god bless....do unto others and knock yourself out.
Except please try to show a little class while you do whatever the fuck you want to do.
I took the kid to Dennys for our weekly ritual junk breakfast before school and was treated to a lovely view of the ass of the gal at the adjoining table the entire meal.
What amazed me is not only was she totally unabashed by her butt being on display, she offered it purposefully.
To show off her ass in her low rise jeans, purple whale tail and her tramp stamp.
I totally get wanting to attract men and being half naked is certainly the way to do it. The construction workers and UPS guy were certainly enjoying the view unless they actually needed to go back and forth to the restroom four times each. However, it was fucking Dennys in the morning!
Always willing to research oddities for the benefit of all man kind, I quickly assessed whether Bambi was perhaps a leftover from the clubs last night.
You know the look...the finger brushed hair and the rumbled clothes from being on the floor all night after wastedly falling into bed with a stranger.
I mean not that I personally would know anything about that kind of thing.
Of course not.
Nope, this little gal was showered , spiffy and ready to start her day.
I hushed my kid who was babbling about something unimportant such as failing math or a school bully and tried to tune into the conversation going on at the next table.
Where was Bambi headed in that attire?
Her breakfast companion was a fully dressed young lady about the same age who fucking mumbled! The bitch.
Shit, I really need to learn how to read lips.
The best I could get was that they were indeed off to work after their nine cups of coffee and Asscrack was adamant about not taking any shit off the boss that day.
Okay kids, so tell me, what line of work permits employees to dress a perfect 10 on the Slut-O-Meter with normal work hours that doesn't involve a pimp?
I am at a loss.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Every trip to the ladies room will have me pulling out the brush and the hairspray trying to create some semblance of order to this mop and each effort will be awarded with grunts, growls and a look worse than when I walked in.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
No medical treatment required although I did get skived out when I heard a crunch as I stepped on what I am hoping was an old raisin.
She used cantaloupe as a substitute for the watermelon and served it in plastic bowls with plastic spoons.
I was polite and tasted it. So were my fellow house guests. The look on each of our faces cracked up our hostess who had bagged Cesar salad as a back up.
We unanimously agreed to meet at my house next time.
I think we should start a tradition on who can come up with the weirdness meal. I wonder where she got that gazpacho recipe? Maybe they have instructions for making fried frogs legs with peanut butter sauce.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Friday, March 7, 2008
As I glanced at her hair in curlers and her spreading butt in polyester pants, I couldn't imagine how the inside did not match the reflection she must see every morning in her vanity mirror. Just wait, she offered. Just wait.
Alas, as many other things she cursed me with had come to pass, such as my brats torturing me as I tortured her, so did the fact the face looking back at me in the mirror has no resemblance to the face I expect to see.
In my youth, I was one of the lucky ones. I was fortunate enough to be admired by many men and not just the lackeys at construction sites that will hoot and whistle and anything with breasts.
Of course instead of using that admiration to my advantage, I managed to hook up and marry two of the most worthless human beings with dicks that God put on this earth.
Yeah know, why marry a physician or an accountant when I could marry a wanna be rock star with a cute ass?
Needless to say, my mirror has been betraying me more and more as the days pass. It all started with the forehead lines as payback for the years of frying in the sun thinking my face looked so healthy with a tan.
This morning I noticed little lines beginning to appear around my eyes.
Laugh lines they are called.
I don't find them fucking funny at all.
Of course this butt is never going to fit a pair of size 8 Jordache again. And to think, back then I was embarrassed to have to ask a clerk for such a LARGE size knowing she was just snickering behind and about my fat ass.
Fortunately, there are still gentlemen that want to fuck me enough to tell me that there is NO WAY I look a day over 30 and to them, I offer my undying love and a pretty good chance at a blow job.
As for my mirror? I've changed all my bulbs to 20 watts and put them on a dimmer.
Now if I can only figure out a way to get my scale to cooperate.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
The group, Florida4Marriage, collected 649,000 signatures to get the issue on the ballot this year. This group of right wing fucktards with too much time on their hands are so pissed off that this ban failed in Congress in 2006 that they decided they need to handle this within state lines so that Mr. and Mr. John Smith don't buy the 3/2 next door.
As a straight woman that has failed at two marriages, I don't feel the least bit threatened that a same sex union would somehow make my commitments have less value. I managed to assure my marriages had no value all by myself.
My point is this...
If you strongly believe that people of the same sex shouldn't marry, then don't marry someone of your same sex.
But please stop signing petitions that limit the rights of United States citizens.
It is making me cranky.